Give to Recieve

I like this issue of the Pickup Arts newsletter…. But Im still stuck on how good Magic Bullets is..

What to do to get girls by Jay Valens

I wonder if you’ve experienced this before…

You are talking to a girl or group of people from which there is a

woman you are interested in and your thoughts race on with things

like “Oh, they don’t like me” or “She doesn’t like me” or “I’m not

good looking” or “They are thinking I am stupid, ugly, annoying, or

weird”. Maybe these thoughts pop in your head a lot?

The focus of these thoughts is partly an issue with self-esteem,

lack of experience, and anxiety or insecurity. The driving force

for those thoughts, and the balance of why they might pop into your

thoughts when interacting is because at that moment you have a

focus of desire of wanting to GET something from someone else or

other people. The things you want to get are: validation, being

liked, being accepted, being included, being desired, being

appreciated. The difficulty with this kind of thinking is two-fold:

First, it’s focused on wanting things from others before it is

clear at all to other people whether they might even get the same

thing from you, or that you want something from them which you

haven’t displayed a reason for them to give or that you are there

to “take” and not “give”.

Second, the people and women you talk to might very well be

thinking the same thing. The same thoughts might be in their

heads: “Oh, they don’t like me” or “He doesn’t like me” or “I’m not

good looking” or “They are thinking I am stupid, ugly, annoying, or

weird”. And, of course, this comes from the same source of wanting

to GET something from another person before genuinely accepting,

trusting, or showing outward interest or appreciation of the other

person: wanting validation, being liked, being accepted, being

included, being desired, being appreciated.

So here you have 2 people, both wanting to GET before ever giving

anything. It seems like a stalemate, right?

Presuming that most people are willing to meet others and have an

interest in other people (which, actually, is true whether you want

to believe it or not) here are 2 ways to solve this “stalemate”:

1. Display a lot of outward value (of a greater value than what

they might already have) and put them in the role of needing your

attention, of chasing you, for the sake of that outward value.

2. Realize that you have inner value which you can share, that is

limitless and endless, and be willing to be the first to “give”.

Both methods are perfectly productive, and in fact the first one is

of the type you might find as advice given when you are learning

the process of meeting women. That would be in the realm of either

“fake it til you make it” or literally improving yourself all the

time in order to actually increase your “value” as a person.

We already cover this in different ways in the newsletters and “The

Art of the Pickup” DVDs, so I want to focus today on the other

“method”, which you can start today.

There is nothing specific to learn about it, no word-for-word

memorization, no routine, and certainly no major investment other

than to open yourself up to realizing other people might very well

be feeling similar things that you are feeling and to “give” them

initially what you might want to receive in order to get things

flowing.

So how do you know WHAT to give and HOW to give it? Actually, it’s

pretty easy and doesn’t involve me telling you anything specific.

It’s as easy as just

1. Being aware of your own thoughts and what you’re seeking (not

ultimate goal but the immediate response)

2. Connecting what you want as an immediate response and how that

relates to a core desire like wanting to be accepted, liked,

appreciated, etc.

3. Realizing these are pretty much the same thoughts the other

person, likely the woman you are talking to, also wants (to be

accepted, liked, appreciated, etc)

4. Letting go of your own desire.

5. Making the other person feel like they are receiving what they

want from you.

This will open the door to them also being able to let go of what

they want (because they got it) and start giving you the stuff that

you wanted.More…

Now, keep in mind this does NOT mean smothering the person with

affection or piling on compliments, and COULD be as simple as a

genuine smile and comment in regards that you noticed something

positive about them.

Really, imagine yourself in those situations where you felt the

kind of anxiety of needing a certain validation and the person you

wanted to talk to paused, smiled, and told you something positive

about yourself. Wouldn’t opening up to them become a lot easier?

Form such a small thing, wouldn’t you feel much more confident when

talking to that person?

It’s the same sort of way they will react, too. If you can keep

this in mind, and be aware of just this ONE kind of thinking, it

can open a lot more doors for you than you may have already been

experiencing. Maybe even be the thing that opens doors for you if

you’ve been feeling a lack of success or inability so far to move

forward with others.

I know, it’s not an easy thing to do at first, and SOME people will

react weirdly or reject such things from others, but that’s THEIR

problem and not yours. You can also realize, if you do run into

such reactions, that you’ve not given anything up except a moment

of your time and a piece of your limitless reserve of inner value.

And, it’s OK because you should genuinely not expect anything in

return or even display that you expect anything in return. Be

willing to do this small thing and more doors will open up.

You’re on your way, tony

I really enjoy knowing you’re going to be more successful, and you

deserve it.

By

Jay Valens

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