The Makeup of a God of Social Skills

I always enjoy Sebastian’s articles. I genuinely find myself learning something new each time I read one of these. If any one has his ebook email me a review. I did write a review of his audio project Master the Vibe.

Social Skills by Sebastian Drake

“Why do some men achieve success, and others do not?”

Many men never live up to their potential. And while I don’t have
all the answers, I’ve taken a long look over the hundreds of
programs we’ve run and come up with some patterns on who succeeds –
and it’s got nothing to do with looks or height.

Here’s the makeup of the kind of guy who gets damn good at social
skills:

*The successful man is consistent about trying. He is not
necessarily great, but he is consistent. The unsuccessful man may
really want success, but he will fall off the wagon from time to
time, drag his heels, or whatever else have you. He might go out 13
nights in a row, but then he stays at home for two weeks playing
video games.

*The successful man is balanced. He has other diverse things going
on in his life. He often has a high-impact job, difficult studies,
interesting hobbies, or plays a sport. While he may not – and often
isn’t – naturally gifted in any of these areas, he has at least one
or two things going for him that he loves and works hard at.

*The successful man is BUSY. Guys that get success are the ones
you’d think would have no time to do so. They work 40+ hours a
week, take a class or informally study something (like learning a
language, or dancing), take care of their health, and STILL go pick
up. The unsuccessful man FEELS very busy, but yet somehow doesn’t
have much to show for it. He doesn’t get shit done. Why he doesn’t
is a mystery, but he doesn’t succeed.

*The successful man gets someone to kick his ass for him. People
fall off without support and guidance, even if it’s wrong. It’s
better to have someone kicking your ass to work hard and get
success even if they’re not an “expert” on something. So much the
better if you are. It’s hard to stay motivated – at anything. All
the best athletes in the world have coaches. Executives have a vast
array of assistants to keep them focused and on-track. Successful
people get others to push them to keep them successful.

*The successful man PROVES IT TO HIMSELF that the methodologies he
is using work. He fights and rails against them until he finds they
are correct, and tries to undermine/reassess them from time to
time. He gets success using a system because he is solidly
confident in it. The unsuccessful man may take someone’s word that
it works, or even see others using it. He may know logically that
something works – but he hasn’t proved it to himself, and probably
doesn’t feel it in his heart.

*The successful man has a burning desire to succeed – So far, I’ve
found no correlation between the reasons people want success. Some
people want to succeed for totally unhealthy reasons – They want
attention, are insecure, etc. Surprisingly, these reasons seem to
work. Regardless, the successful man REALLY wants success. He
doesn’t “think it would be cool to get chicks”, he DEMANDS and
CRAVES social skills for some reason or other. I’ve seen many
different reasons – desire to apply them to make more money, desire
to have many beautiful women, desire to be ready to get “Miss
Right” if/when she comes around, desire to reproduce, lust for
power, insecurity, want of validation, want to show off, wanting to
conquer something, using it as a general pathway to great overhaul
in lifestyle and self-improvement… Some of the reasons are
awesome, some I would deem unhealthy – but even if you have a
rooted unhealthy desire to be great, it can lead to greatness (of
course, the highest levels require purging that unhealthy desire –
but it’s actually pretty easy once you’re good to stop being down
on yourself – that’s how it went for me among others, and was a
liberating experience. Like, “Wow, I got into this for the wrong
reasons, but it worked out pretty well. Huh.”)

*The successful man is either PROCESS oriented, or someone that’s
KICKING HIS ASS IN GEAR is. The unsuccessful man thinks “It’d be
great to have 10 women just feeding me grapes in my harem”. The
successful man goes one step at a time, and chips away at results.

*They successful man HONESTLY assesses progress. If he compares
himself to a legend, it’s inspirational and not depressing. He
doesn’t think “If only I had those results…” thinking about
someone playing the game on a different level. He plays for
himself. If the guy is a virgin, and lays his first girl, he pats
himself on the back. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single step. -Confucious

*The successful man gets MOTIVATED by failure. Coming *so close*
burns him up, and makes him try harder and burn hard to get there.
The unsuccessful man gets depressed, and fails to realize that the
most valuable lessons are often learned on the brink of exhaustion,
in times of desperation, and upon hitting rock bottom. He turns
away the very thing that would allow him to climb out of the hole
he’s in. The successful man takes his lumps “like a man” for lack
of a better word, embraces the pain, learns the lessons, and GETS
IT RIGHT next time.

*The successful man is NOT attached to what he’s already been
doing. As soon as a man gets too attached to what he did yesterday,
he stops getting better.

*And lastly, the successful man is not a patient man. Old age comes
before patience. The successful man makes risky decisions, and
doesn’t waste time. If a situation is dragging out, the successful
man will frequently make turn it into a “win/lose” situation. He
doesn’t mess around with one girl stringing him out, he does
something stupid that will land her 1 out of 10 times, and put an
end to the debacle the other 9 out of 10. Someday as he gets
better, he may land the girl 7 out of 10 times on his “gamble” but
he’ll never mess around and waste 20 times the effort on the girl
that he could spend taking 1 in 10 chances. His ego may get bruised
from time to time, it may hurt and burn, but the successful man is
not a patient man. When confused about the situation, he does
something drastic and makes the situation come to a conclusion one
way or another. Then if he fails, he scrapes himself off the pave
and does it again – until it starts to work.

Sebastian
—
the Approach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman