Don’t Be a Master Opener

With all the emphasis on opening here is an interesting read from Sebastian- Bobby

Don’t Be a Master Opener by Sebastian Drake

When I survey the work we’ve done over the last two years, I can’t

help but smile. I look back on the all we’ve been able to do and

accomplish, and I’m proud to have learnt and grown with you.

Whether you’ve been with us since the beginning, or just joined our

Ecourse earlier today, thanks for being part of something magical.

Now today, let’s get down to the root of why you’re on this

Ecourse. You’ve probably got lots of goals. Maybe you vaguely want

lots of things, or aren’t even sure exactly what you want.

 

But I’m going to hazard a guess about one thing, my friend – I’m

going to come out of left field and speculate that you want to be

happy.

Right?

 

Dale Carnegie has an excellent quote regarding happiness.

 

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

 

We can get you want – but do you want what you get?

 

Let’s take a look –

 

There’s two kinds of goals you can set socially: Ends goals, or

means goals. Here’s half-dozen real goals I’ve heard at the last

six programs I’ve taught personally:

 

*”Be able to approach any girl at any time and know what to say”

*”Get a harem of bisexual girlfriends”

*”Improve my relationship skills”

*”Gain more confidence”

*”Find an image and archetype that fits me”

*”Find one good woman to marry and have kids with”

 

Those are all goals I’ve heard from different people in the last

two months.

 

I’ve also heard goals like become a better storyteller, learn to

approach better, get style under control, become more confident in

the bedroom, and so on.

 

Now… here’s the crux. To be happy, you need to figure out what

you REALLY want.

 

If your goal is to “become a great storyteller”, why is that? Your

thinking could go any of these ways:

 

1. I gain real enjoyment out of being in the spotlight, and

storytelling will help me get in the spotlight.

 

2. Women like guys who spin good stories. I want girls to like me.

 

3. Professionally, being able to communicate well and captivatingly

helps me get ahead.

 

Okay. You probably yourself groaned a little at Reason #2. Of

course you did. It seems a little silly when written like that, and

juxtaposed between two “good reasons”, doesn’t it?

 

Well, that’s not the case at all – it’s not a bad reason. It’s just

a “Means Goal” instead of an “Ends Goal”.

 

#1 is an ends goal – the gentleman wants to gain real enjoyment,

knows he gains it from being in the spotlight, and knows being

great at storytelling helps him steal the stage.

 

#3 is an ends goal – the gentleman wants to gain professional

success, knows that being able to communicate well helps him

achieve professional success, and storytelling helps him refine his

communication.

 

And when you boil down to it, almost everything we try to do is a

means to a greater end – happiness.

 

So…?

 

A lot of guys think one particular skill is crucial and they’re

hell-bent on learning it. A lot of people without formal social

training spend time to learn just one facet of the game. They

become “master openers” without learning the rest of the skills

they need to get what they really want – quality partners and

excellent companionship, a healthy, happy sex life, and a

supportive, enlightened social circle.

 

Most guys don’t have a clue at what it takes to be attractive to

the fairer sex and achieve real social success, so they set goals

like “get a really expensive car cuz it’ll help me get chicks” –

yeah, not so much.

 

Instead of working on one specific “mean” that might be the answer,

figure out what the ends are and build around them. What do you want,

and why? Once you know that, you can move forwards and develop the

skillset you need to get success.

 

In terms of getting women, to attract them you need to have some

value about you, be able to communicate that she has a chance to

get that value, and know how to make her work and invest time and

energy into getting you. That’ll get her attracted.

 

How you get those basic three elements are up to you – I suggest

doing stuff that you otherwise greatly enjoy, since it helps you

with that other big goal – happiness. There’s no one right way to

do it here, so work on developing skills that you find enjoyable

and know why you’re working on them – and you’ll be well on your way.

 

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

 

 

Keep playin’,

 

Sebastian