“Fools Mate” The Most Low Self Esteem Idea EVER

I was reading through some psych research this week, and in reading about people with co-dependent personalities I found some really interesting ideas that could be applied to both students who enter the community and the guys who have been teaching for quite some time like me 🙂

One thing that co-dependent people tend to have, is a need for relations with the opposite sex to be difficult. You can delve into the deep attachment and love style issues that cause this problem but if you don’t want to read 1731 pages of Helen Fisher I recommend you take my word for it.

If you start with the idea that co-dependent people need relationships to be more difficult in order to re-create relationships with parents (Distant fathers for girls, smothering mothers for boys usually though it can be vice versa) then look at any of the 7-12 step formulas for getting laid (Which I used to embarrassingly buy into and teach as well so my bad) things start to make a lot of sense.

For instance the idea of fool’s mate which Mystery and many other guys (including me, I’m no better I just finally figured out I didn’t know what I thought I knew) have taught or used to justify why someone who wasn’t them (usually a student or good looking guy) had quick success.

Fool’s mate is the idea of just lucking into a girl who happens to be into you and getting laid almost despite your “game.”

But this doesn’t make sense if you put it up to any logic. How can getting laid quicker be worse than taking 7 hours? How can you luck into getting laid one time, while another time it was all skill? and most importantly: Why is it a bad thing that a girl just liked you and sex just happened?

Is it so hard to believe that a girl could just want to have sex with you?

It is if you’re living in extreme levels of low self esteem, and self loathing.

But that’s not a healthy way to look at the world or yourself, and I trust me I know.

So what’s the solution?

Challenging yourself to look at the world as objectively as possible. It’s bad to believe that no woman wants you and that she’s clearly a naive and foolish girl if she sleeps with you quickly. It’s also bad to flip the other way and start to believe that you are amazing with women no matter what their reactions tell you.

We all have a way to success with women. Is it always going to be with those playmate looking 10s? No, not for everyone but everyone can find women they are extremely attracted to who will like them for them.

And that’s not a fool’s mate.