How to Score Girls of the College Big 10

Playboy U was nice enough to send over the pics below of some girls from the their tour of the Big 10.  Yes, we are just as disappointed as you guys the the girls are fully clothed.

Not having attended a Big 10 school, Mike and I were curious how one goes about scoring one of these creatures.  So, we consulted our favorite college reference guide:  The College Humor Guide to College

Here is their fail proof process that starts with a back scratch and ends with your hand smelling like a fisherman’s.

1. Ask her if she wants a backscratch. After you ask, immediately say, “Is that a word?” and laugh at how cute you are.

2. Start lightly scratching.  It’s almost impossible to do it too lightly.  If she starts getting red marks, you’re doing it too hard.  If there are all these bits of pus and dried-out skin accumulating under your finger nails, grab a girl who’s alive instead.

3.  Start accentuating the fact that wearing a shirt doesn’t do the scratch justice.  This can be accomplished by scratching extra poorly where her skin is covered and amazingly well where it’s exposed.

4.  Inch the shirt up a bit, hopefully to the point where it’s all bunched up by her breasts.  She shouldn’t feel too  naked at this point, but she might feel slightly uneasy if you’re moving fast.  Distract her by scratching your her arms.

5.  After some patience-trying, get her shirt off.  A line like “Let’s get this out of the way” would help, but I’m not about to put words in your mouth.  Emphasizing the importance of scratching under the still-covered area will help you get the job done.

6.  Undo the bra you pussy!

7.  Coast for a little while, making nice chatter about what makes you happy. Don’t get into your theories on a more efficient capitalism that embodies a significant number of  moderate social principles.  Just be like, “I know.  Lying out on a blanket at the beach is nice.” When the time is right, say something that has the effect of, “When you’re ready, you can turn over.”  This is probably the most crucial part of the process- saying this line just right.  Make it sound as close to the opposite of urgent as possible.

8.  Don’t squeeze the breasts.  Continue scratching lightly, focusing especially on the one crucial area between and above her boobs.  Don’t dwell on any one area, though.  Keep going into unexpected places, like her neck and face, her arms, her sides, and her femur.  Bone Joke!

9.  Now she’s obviously comfortable with being a little naked around you, but there’s still the matter of the triangle of hair.  Begin casually scratching this area that’s directly underneath the elastic on her underwear.  This ring has been pressing in on her hips from all sides since she got dressed, and could probably use some finger nailing. Do it lightly as you have been the whole time.

10.  If you’ve gotten into her panties, even a little, there’s no stopping.  Your hand is in her underwear, which is the only thing she’s wearing, and you’ve been treating her like a goddess for the better half of an hour  And it all started with a back scratch.

God, it really was that easy in college.  If you aren’t seriously plowing through college girls, you should be ashamed of yourself… get to it boy!