How to Pick-Up an Icy Girl

Today I want to talk about dealing with girls who are icy, or neutral, or rude. I want to first differentiate between blowouts and girls being icy. If you approach a group of girls and they say we have to go to the bathroom, and walk away, you?ve gotten blown out, it wasn?t icy and there wasn?t anything you could do.

Girls do get approached a lot and they don?t have all the time in the world, so a lot of times girls will be kind of neutral or not really into the conversation when you first start talking to them. Maybe they’re giving you one-word answers, maybe they’re sitting there in silence, maybe they’re fidgeting a lot and making kind of bored body language: crossed arms, eyes darting around the room, stuff like that. Maybe they are just not giving you anything to work with, that?s something girls will do a lot because they are not going to be rude. I think a lot of the time, early on, guys… when people used to talk about the idea of a bitch shield, guys used to think that girls would be bitchy to them.

But if a girl is being bitchy she’s likely investing in the interaction. If a girl is challenging you, that?s actually not a bad thing. It’s actually kind of good because at least it means she’s somewhat emotionally invested in the interaction. They’re looking for strength and they’re looking to see that you can stand up to them and that you’re not going to let them be rude to you, and if you can show them that, then a lot of times that turns them around.

So I’m going to give you three basic ideas for dealing with icy girls. They are kind of all over the map but this is the definitive guide to dealing with icy, neutral girls.

The first thing is to be un-reactive. To be emotionally un-reactive is to not show that their iciness is affecting you. You don?t want to point it out, you don?t want to talk about it, you don?t want to allude to it and you don?t want to call them out on it. You will want to smile and act like everything is going perfectly okay. You?re outside demeanor should be: this is going really well, you will want to act as if you think that the girls are really into you, and oftentimes just faking it will be enough to turn that situation around.

The second thing you will want to do is you want to tease. When dealing with icy girls or challenging girls, it’s really important to start teasing and showing that you’re not taking the interaction too seriously. What the girls are looking for is they want to see what you’re going to do next. Iciness is very much a test to see: are you confident, or is this just kind of beer balls and you’re not really going to actually follow through. So when a girl becomes a little icy, when they start giving you neutrality, showing that you’re not taking it too seriously is a really good thing to do and teasing shows that you’re not taking them or the situation too seriously, because again, they are just a stranger.

The third thing you want to do is you want to get them interacting.

You want to get some interactivity going and this is where my advice is going to veer from the typical pick up doctrine that even I teach sometimes.

You need to be asking questions, like put the onus of conversation on icy girls. When they’re being neutral, make them give one-word answers and then try to riff on those and try to make them laugh with what they say. But force them to interact because what happens is when you talk at people, it’s really easy to ignore them.

When you ask questions or you make observations or you get opinions, you’re forcing them to interact, and once they’re interacting it’s really, really hard to continue to be neutral because now you’re getting poked. Now they may leave the interaction, they may blow you out, but you have a much better chance of turning it around than you do if you sit there and try to run routines at them or make them listen to you because honestly that?s probably not going to work very much. Just because they are looking to see what you’re going to do, they’re looking to see how you’re going to take it and if you go into entertain them mode, where you start basically doing your dancing monkey routine and talking at them, then they’re basically saying you’re trying too hard, and they are going to lose some interest.

So you will want to stay emotionally un-reactive meaning you present an image of confidence even if you’re not, you will want to tease and you want to make sure that you make the interaction interactive.

That is how you deal with icy girls.

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