The Definitive Post on Foreign Girls

Ranking the World

After traveling extensively to over 30 different countries and picking up women in just about all of them, I am taking it upon myself to provide a service to you, my kindly reader ? a service so superficial and broad, that the stereotyping and generalizations will be breath-taking to take in and infuriating to the minds of many.

I give to you, the Definitive Post on Foreign Girls.

And it only seems fair to start with my own country:

The United States

Hotness Rating: 7/10

Variance: Wide, +/- 2

Comments: American girls have the following stereotypes: loud, shallow, superficial, obnoxious, slutty, desperate for attention, totally entitled and love to give blowjobs. I can honestly say that most of these are true.

The issue with American girls isn?t whether you can find hot ones or not. Sure, we have more fatties than just about anybody else, but we?re insanely vain, so we have tons of hotties as well.

The issue with American girls is the ?Is She Worth It?? corollary. Are you willing to put up with her whiny tripe and diatribes about why Dustin from ?The Real World? is hotter than Paulie from ?Jersey Shore?? American women have also mastered (and probably invented) the art of the cock-tease. Realizing that they can be totally vain and slutty AND get tons of extra attention at the same time.

But American girls, once you break them down and actually get through to them, usually amount to timid little girls. The way our society suppresses our sexuality usually results in a relationship with an over-educated, under-experienced woman who will be happy to explain why the Jets? defensive secondary can?t cover three wideouts, but is incapable of handling any sort of emotional paradoxes or confrontations at all.

Advice for you: Pump and dump. Just get them drunk and they?ll love your accents anyway. Unless you?re brown, of course. Then they?re just racist.

The United Kingdom

Tell 'em what you want, what you really really want

Hotness Rating: 5.5/10

Variance: Wide +/- 2.5

Comments: If you like sarcastic humor, binge drinking, and high hells, may I recommend the women of the United Kingdom? By the way, at risk of being punched in the throat, I?m lumping Irish women into here because as much as you guys like to think you?re different than the English. You?re really not.

Anyway, English girls, on the whole, are probably the worst looking of the English-speaking world, since they?ve had the least amount of genetic diversity throughout the years. Big round faces, lack of symmetry, bad teeth, accents that you can?t understand, and of course, beer bellies.

No one can drink like the English/Irish. No one. OK, maybe Germans. But no one drinks with as much self-loathing passion as the English. Expect drunk, sarcasm and bitchiness when you hit the pub.

There are two things I love about UK girls though: one, they actually have a sense of humor. God bless the British, but your humor actually requires thought and cognizance. Women there actually appreciate a witty comment that you know, took effort and brains to think up.

The other thing I love about British girls is that they somehow all have nice legs. I don?t know how this happened. But it?s almost like it?s a law in the UK to wear high heels and a short skirt… even if it?s -10 degrees and snowing outside. God save the Queen.

Advice: I hope you brought your liver, because you?re going to need it. If you?re American, they?ll love you. If you?re from somewhere else they?ll probably still think you?re part of the Empire.