Accidental Romance Killers

Things That Piss Your Girlfriend Off

Is your girlfriend stomping around the house? Is she snapping at you? Is she giving you the dagger eyes? Well, my friend, it may not be every man’s favorite scapegoat, PMS. (You can’t use the PMS card if it lasts for weeks on end.) You may be making her mad without even knowing it. In fact, there are probably things you’re doing with good intentions that are inadvertent catalysts for making her want to kick you in the shins or worse. And though it probably isn’t fair, this isn’t about premeditation or criminal intent. It’s about the fact that you’re upsetting her and there are repercussions. As Dante said, Hell hath no fury like a woman’s wrath.

So what to do? Pay attention, stupid! Be mindful. Pull your head out of your arse and stop creating situations that are making your home life a wreck. Of course it can be difficult considering what she’ll think

Exhibit A: The two of you are going out for a night on the town. You’ve made a fancy reservation, have even agreed to dance, and think you are about to score big on brownie points. She’s dressed to the nines and you’re trying to hurry to make your reservation. You rush there and when you sit down to a candlelit dinner and wine, she’s mad. WTF!?

The Verdict: She was wearing high heels and you were pulling a Magic Johnson. Guess what? Those things are not easy to move in. There is no sprinting in stilettos, and the faster you walk, the more likely she is to get blisters on her feet. So when you sit down to a fancy dinner, she’s not going to be thinking romance; she’s going to be thinking “You are the beast that made my feet a disaster.”

The Appeal: Take a cab, walk more slowly, or offer to go ahead and secure your reservation and have her meet you there, so she can take her time in those sadistic shoes.

Exhibit B: She has been really busy with work, her overbearing mother, and training for her marathon. You can see she’s worn out and feeling a bit overwhelmed. In an attempt to help her out, you fold her clothes, straighten up her things, and wait for her to see what a great boyfriend you are.

The Verdict: She comes home and her stuff is not where she anticipated it to be. Yes, it looks cleaner, but she doesn’t know where her stuff is. There is a place for everything, but everything is not in its place. Now, you’re the guy that has made her have to look around the house for her things, just one more thing for her to do.

The Appeal: Ask her if you can help her out with some cleaning and where she likes her things to be. Yes, verbal communication is such a hassle. But so is looking for your sweater that your boyfriend misplaced.

Exhibit C: You want to look good for your lady. You think she’s hot stuff and want her to be pleased to see your goofy mug. So you shave for her. None of that five o’clock shadow business. None of that scruff. You are going to be a clean-shaven guy with boyish good looks that she can show off to her friends.

The Verdict: Clean shave? Nice. Hairs all over the sink? Not so nice. No girl wants a sink resembling a pubescent boy’s chin.

The Appeal: Okay, this is simple. Four words: clean the sink afterward. A clean shave plus a clean sink goes a long way.

Exhibit D: You know she doesn’t like dealing with the trash. It’s smelly, it’s gross, it’s not the kind of thing that your gorgeous girl should have to deal with. Unfortunately, there’s always going to be trash to take out, so you man up and bring out the trash for her. Your lady will not have to lug trash to the dumpster!

The Verdict: Is it amazing not dealing with the trash? Of course. But what about the other chores? Taking out the trash is not a Get Out of Jail free card. There’s still laundry to fold, dishes to clean, floors to mop, etc. One household chore does not a clean house make!

The Appeal: Ask her if she would like you to make dinner, then order takeout and put it on plates so it isn’t disgusting. Or at least offer her a hand once in a while so that she knows you don’t think that she’s your domestic slave.

Exhibit E: She loves her dog. You love her. Trying to be the nice, animal-loving guy you believe she hopes you to be, you pet the dog and then try to get intimate with her. Don’t girls dig animal lovers?

The Verdict: You are so nasty. No matter how much she loves her dog, she doesn’t want the smelly grease from its fur all over her body. And isn’t there something a little weird about trying to get into some heavy petting after you’ve pet her dog? Think about it.

The Appeal: Wash your hands. Soap and water can be scary, but so can having your advances shut down by your stinky dog hands.