On Approach Anxiety- Risk is Volatility NOT Loss.

I read Howard Marks’ book “The Most Important Thing” a few weeks ago. The book is a collection of interoffice memos within Oaktree Financial (The company he and Warren Buffet run together).

The book is interesting for anyone looking to get an insight into what has made Oaktree successful over the years, but it also had an idea that I think applies to most guys in regards to approach anxiety.

I happen to think of most things related to pick up on a risk/return continuim. There are no rewards without risk when it comes to meeting women.

In “The Most Important Thing” Marks makes a point of explaining that risk when applied to investments is not necessarily about guaranteed loss, but rather volatility. What this means is that risk doesn’t guarantee a loss as much as it guarantees that we DON’T KNOW what is going to happen next.

So how does this apply to approach anxiety?

Simple.

Most guys when they see an opportunity to approach a new woman don’t look at it through a risk/reward continuim. Instead they start to assess the situation based on what they think they have to LOSE.

Most guys due to this misunderstanding of risk as loss rather than volatility (or what I’ll refer to as the unknown for the rest of this post) Fail to even get themselves to approach.

You have to understand that each different approach a unique and free standing situation. You also have to avoid the gambler fallacy and the tendency to project past performance as a precursor of future success or failure.

The key is to remember that the unknown is always a factor in approaching, but the unknown is not always a loss.