How to avoid oversharing on a date

Don?t get word vomit on your date

There are some topics of conversation that are not conducive to a good date.

Sharing creates intimacy, but oversharing makes you look unstable. There are certain aspects of your life that you will want to avoid on a date. It is not about being dishonest, but about staying in the bounds of what is appropriate. A date is a time to get to know each other, but it should also be kept light. You want your date to be fun rather than emotionally draining.

Calm down

Oversharing often happens as a result of anxiety. Of course, on a date, you are feeling anxious. You may be worried about her liking you, or about not having enough things to talk about. This creates a perfect storm in which you might blurt out the story of how you cheated on your ex. Avoid this situation by keeping calm. It is easier said than done, but there are techniques you can use to keep anxiety under control. You can also keep your concerns at bay by thinking through each aspect that you are nervous about. For instance, if you are worried about the conversation struggling, brainstorm a few appropriate topics to discuss ahead of time.

Be a listener

When we confess a deep and dark secret, we tend to ramble on. We do not let the listener get a word in. One way to avoid digging yourself into a hole and revealing too much of yourself, is to focus on being a listener as well as a talker. Ask thoughtful questions of your date, and do not try to rebut her responses with stories of your own. By being a good listener, you are less likely to embarrass yourself by saying something inappropriate.

Avoid the sad stories

Think about your best traits. These are what you want to showcase on your date. Perhaps you want to come across as confident and intelligent. Will telling her about your damaging childhood further that goal? Deep sharing comes later in a relationship; at the start, avoid telling any sad stories that you may have.

She?s just pretending that it?s not awkward

You may think that it is fine to delve into the depths of your life story, because your date seems to be taking it well. Even if she does not act phased by your revelations, on the inside, she is wondering what she is doing on a date with someone so socially unaware. She is merely being polite by hiding how awkward she feels when you are talking about your dead childhood dog. It can seem that your date is coping well with your discussion, but you are not making a good impression.

Damage control

While on your date, you realise that you have said too much. You have revealed family secrets which are best left for long after you become official, or have opened up about the emotional damage wrought by your last relationship. If you catch yourself talking about a topic that is not date material, simply change the subject and avoid returning to it. Do not apologise for the inappropriate line of conversation; just pretend that it did not happen and do not bring it up again.