Heads up: This post was from our buddies at Explicit Gamer

It’s an all too familiar situation. Guy wants to play his game, girlfriend gets jealous at lack of attention and threatens to make his life a living Dante’s Inferno. He has to make a decision. Whichever choice he makes will determine the course of the relationship for the next few hours, days, and possibly eternity. At this exact moment his life flashes before him and nothing is more important than the words that are about to exit his mouth. She stands there, blocking the TV, glaring at him. With controller tightly in hand and a smile of anticipation long gone, he concedes. Who can blame this poor gamer? We’ve almost all gone through this, regardless of who your significant other is or how much they appreciate gaming!

The fine staff here at Explicit Gamer understands how difficult juggling girlfriends/wives and gaming can be, not to mention everything else going on in our busy lives. Who can really blame any guy that chooses girl over game when the pressure is on? We all know what’s at stake. But when do we draw the line? More importantly, how do we just get the chance to play without creating a confrontation? My friends, you’re about to find out!

Let’s start off by discussing every male gamer’s dream girlfriend. The gamer girl! She may like to play as much as you do, or maybe just every once in a while. regardless, she plays. Nothing could be better, unless she is hogging the console, of course. As fantastic as this situation is, there is still doom lurking right around the corner. You’ve been so caught up in the fact that she plays that you’ve let yourself slip into the mindset that she plays for the same reasons you do. You’re very very wrong. Most of the time women are playing to “spend time with you”. So what happens when she doesn’t feel like playing or even worse, you’re playing by yourself? The wrath of what once was the world’s coolest gaming girl manifests itself full force, and decision time has set. Here’s what your options are:

1. Turn everything off and do whatever she wants.

2. Offer to quit your game and play co-op so she can play.

3. Let her play and painfully watch.

OUR CHOICE

Women LOVE naps. Pause the game and suggest a nap or get up and walk away for a minute, sometimes they will get distracted on their own or actually go take a nap. Unless she REALLY wants to spend time with you. Then nothing will maker her happy besides giving in. At least these types are easier to please, they like gaming!

Now what if you have the girlfriend that understands your obsession with gaming, but she doesn’t play herself? This is a bit more tricky. Most likely this type of person doesn’t grasp the concept of why you play or what’s so special about getting a tactical nuke. She probably feels similarly about your inability to grasp her reason for reading books like they’re all disappearing in 2012. Most of the time she seems content to let you play, screaming at the TV whenever the guy you were shooting didn’t die. In return, you pretty much let her do her own thing. What happens when she wants to watch a movie, or go to dinner with you? The majority of the time I would suggest giving in because she lets you play more than most people get to. This time is different though. You’ve got your party maxed out at eight and everyone is finally together and playing like they could own at a MLG tournament. Can’t stop now! She moves to block the TV and you have to think fast! Here’s your options:

1. Quietly, and with a whipped voice, tell your friends you have to get off. Turn everything off.

2. Just turn the console off. Then lie and tell them you got disconnected and your internet was down.

3. Compromise. Beg to finish the match and in return you’ll join her.

4. Tell her to find somebody else to bother, you’re busy. (Warning: continually choosing this option may result in disaster)

OUR CHOICE

Keep telling her you only need five more minutes. If done long enough most restaurants will close and she’ll get tired enough to go to bed. If this doesn’t work, try fake crying at being killed because she was in the way. Mute your mic first.

“You’re ___ years old, get off there and do something constructive!” It sucked hearing it from your mom, but now from your girlfriend too! These types usually let you play, but complain about it the whole time. Sometimes they try to make you feel guilty by complaining about all the “housework” you’re leaving to them, even though you rarely leave the couch. Other times they take a more direct approach and make fun of you in an attempt to make you feel bad for not spending time with them. This seems to be the majority of girlfriends/wives. They see gaming as childish and a waste of “valuable” time. I’ve hypothesized that “valuable” to them means spending time with them, but honestly, who would WANT to spend time with them?! This generally drives gamers to play even more, escaping reality. It’s okay, we don’t blame you. What do you do when she really gets upset though?

1. As soon as you see her heading for the power button, turn it off and act like you were getting off anyways.

2. Pause the game and go into the kitchen (act like you’re busy) till things calm down. Beware: conversations happen there.

3. Just keep yelling at the TV or people online. She most likely won’t yell over you.

OUR CHOICE

Play her game. If she complains about all the housework, complain about all the insurgents shooting at you. If she complains about working all day and having to come home and work, complain about working all day killing bad guys or brain exhaustion from solving puzzles that never ends. If she complains about you wasting time, complain about all the time she’s wasting by complaining at you. Eventually she’ll get the idea.

Now we move into the last of the girlfriend types. The ultimate in horrible situations. These girls are always princesses to begin with but quickly turn into ball busting bitches as soon as they think you’re stuck with them. These are the kind of women that throw consoles out of windows when they don’t get their way. No person should be in a relationship with them but for some reason people still are. There is no reasoning or compromising with this type. They wear the pants and will make your life miserable if you do anything they don’t like. Even worse for you, they despise gaming. Maybe it’s the “valuable” time wasting, or using the TV when they want to watch Sex and the City reruns. Whatever the reason, they will flip the switch if they catch you gaming when they deem inconvenient for them. No matter what you say or do they won’t change their minds about letting you play. The only time you get some sweet gaming relief is if she is gone for whatever reason, or if she’s asleep. What can you possibly do to get some time for yourself? Here are your choices:

1. Keep doing what you’ve been doing. You’re the idiot that’s been dealing with it, why stop now?

2. Grab the gear and run. Anything is better than that situation.

3. Get some giant headphones to use while playing and ignore her yelling at you. Also, make a steel case with a lock around your console so she can’t turn it off or rip it out of the wall. Same with the TV.

4. Throw some Starbucks gift cards, fashion magazines, and high heels out the door and lock it behind her when she runs after them.

Our choice: Aside from the obvious solution of getting out of the relationship, here is our best bet of surviving this type of insanity. Hopefully you have more than one room in your living space, if not, running far far away is your only hope. If so, purchase a heavy duty door and about 10 types of locks for it. Install door on extra room and add locks to both sides of the door. Always remember to lock the door regardless of what side you’re on. Build the most amazing theater room/man cave you can imagine and spend all your time in it. Don’t forget the sound system to drown out the banging sounds on the door!

Having to choose between the two is never a fun situation. For those of you who don’t have a significant other that puts you into these predicaments, good job and lucky you. For the majority of us, finding ways to enjoy gaming while dealing with life can be tough. To dedicated gamers, playing is more than enjoyment, it’s a way of life. Finding a partner that encourages the pursuit of your hobbies as well as theirs can be tough, but more than worth it. Until then, all we can do is laugh about the unfortunate situations other gamers get themselves into. We all know at least one of them.

I leave you all with an Xbox Live bio I ran across a while back that fits perfectly: “No wonder women hate gaming. They can’t compete with it! A console will never nag. It’s always turned on when you want it to be. It’s compatible with all your friends. If it gets moody or doesn’t do what you want, you can easily trade it in for another one. If what it’s doing annoys you, it is easily fixable by popping in a different disc. It will always reward you (achievements/trophies). It remembers everything you put into it. It doesn’t require attention or affection. And you don’t have to cuddle after you use it!”