When She’s Mad At You

You admit it: you did something wrong. Or maybe you think she?s blown an issue out of proportion. Whether you take responsibility or not, here is how to stop your girlfriend from being mad at you.

Find out what the problem is

It is important that you know why she is mad. This is not just so you can look at ways of avoiding the problem in future, helpful as that may be. It is also so that she knows that you take her concerns seriously enough to understand what the issue is. The only way you will find out the problem is by asking. You may think you know why, but ask her anyway. This is important for two reasons. Firstly, if it is a completely different issue, you may end up jumping the gun and apologising for what you think you did wrong, thus bringing another issue to her attention. Secondly, even if you do know what the problem is, you may not know why it is a problem. Often a woman will be mad at what seems like a small incident, but it is because that incident is the straw that broke the camel?s back. For example, she may be upset at you for forgetting to call her when you said you would. This is not a big deal on its own, but she is angry about it because you consistently forget about her. Be very clear on what the issue is- and ask her if it is the real issue, or part of a more general problem.

Don?t apologise

Reserve apologies for when you have really messed up. It is important to learn how to apologise, and part of that is to know that not every situation needs one- saying sorry at every opportunity waters down the meaning of the word. Rather than apologise as a reflex action, ask her what she would like you to do to fix the situation. This encourages her to engage with the problem, rather than mope about it and leave you to figure out what to do. This will not only work to diffuse her anger at the time, but will also help out in future if you follow through on your word.
Discussing the issue is also better than apologising, because that may involve some serious grovelling, leaving her with all the power.

Don?t ignore the issue

She will not simply forget the issue because you have refused to talk about it. She may let it slide this time, but next time she is mad at you, she will bring up the previous unresolved issue. The whole time in between, she would have been quietly simmering and becoming more and more convinced that her anger is justified. Of course, by refusing to deal with problems, you are giving her a very good reason to be angry at you. It may be frustrating, but you need to thrash out the issue. There is no point waiting until she calms down, because she will just get upset again the next time the issue is brought up. Talk it through as soon as possible to diffuse the situation.