When She Won’t Tell You Why She’s Upset

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Strategies For Dealing With Her Unspoken Anger

It?s frustrating when the girl you?re seeing is upset and makes sure you know about it, but also sees to it that you are completely in the dark about why she is sad. If you are the reason she is upset and you know it, it will not do you any favors to pretend you have no idea why she is upset. However, if there is nothing obvious, and you?ve asked her why she?s upset and she refuses to tell you, you?re going to need some strategies to get you through this situation.

Don?t press the issue

You asked why she is upset once, and she refused to tell you. You don?t need to keep asking. Either she really does not want to tell you, or she is purposely not telling you because she wants to make a point. Repeatedly asking will just be annoying to her in the first situation, or will be playing exactly into what she wants in the second. Don?t let yourself be manipulated. The most appropriate response, which will result in the situation being over the soonest, is to offer comfort without pressing her to talk about it.

Don?t make it about you

For all you know, she is upset because her pet died or because she had a fight with a friend. It could be nothing to do with you. Maybe she doesn?t want to tell you, because she knows she messed something up and it would be embarrassing for her to tell you. You cannot assume that she is upset about anything to do with you, and even if she is, that is no excuse to make the situation about your own feelings.

She does not want you to assume that she?s upset because of something you did, interrogate her about why exactly she is upset at you, and then get mad at her for not telling you. There is no winning in this situation where she shows she is upset but won?t say why, but there are sure ways of losing and this is one of them. Making the situation about you will make her angry at you, and you probably don?t want to contend with her being both angry and upset all at once. If you weren?t what she was upset about in the first place, you soon will be.

Is it your responsibility?

If she is your girlfriend and you genuinely care about her, then you will want to be there to comfort her. But if you?re in more of a casual relationship, or if you haven?t even gotten to the casual stage yet, it is really not your responsibility to deal with her problems. It is quite likely that she wants some space, and wants to talk about the issue with someone she is closer with. If she has specifically approached you and said she is upset, it is still not your responsibility. It is one thing for her to be legitimately upset and want to rectify the situation (if it?s about you) or just let off some steam, but it is quite another to announce that she?s upset essentially to get your attention.

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