What to Do If the “World” Ends

If you belong to that 14% of the population that thinks the world will end this week and plan on jumping off a cliff in Arizona to enter a cosmic portal, this article doesn?t apply to you. Keep drinking the Kool-Aid and move on.

If you belong to the 86% of the population capable of rational thought, I?ve got news for you. The ?world? as you know it is is eventually going to end. No, I?m not referring to some type of cataclysmic solar storm or the second coming of Vanilla Ice. I mean that the life you currently lead is going to end. You?ll break up with your girlfriend. You?ll start a new job. Your hot new car will look dated in five years. What I mean to say is that your current existence is eventually going to change, whether you like it or not.

The good news is, if you?re confident and stay strong, you?ll survive and thrive no matter how bad life gets. Whether you get rejected by your favorite college or your whole life comes crashing down and you find out the local Buffalo Wild Wings is closing down, it doesn?t mean you can never be happy again. It just means the start of a new existence.
People around the world are getting their panties in a bunch over the Mayan calendar, which ?stops? on December 21, 2012. According to pretty much any scholar or scientist who isn?t batshit insane, the calendar doesn?t signify the end of the world, but the start of a new age. It?s pretty much analogous to taking down your 2012 ?Dilbert? desktop calendar and putting up your brand-spanking new 2013 ?Dilbert? desktop calendar.

Just like the Mayans, you too have to be prepared to start over. Listen, a couple years ago I had a near nervous breakdown. I lost my girl, lost my job, and nearly lost my mind all in a short span of time. But you know what? I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and started a new life. Today I?ve got a thriving career, a girlfriend that knits sweaters for my dog, and a positive if not cheeky outlook on life. I experienced what I?d like to consider an emotional apocalypse and came out on top, no stockpiled goods or fallout shelter required.

Whether you?re currently dealing with a major life change or not, you?ve got to be prepared to man up when your proverbial ?world? ends. Lose your job? Start looking for a new one tomorrow. Find out your dreams of having long heavy metal hair are thwarted by your grandfather?s shitty bald gene? Pop some Propecia (been there) or invest in a bunch of cheap Bics (done that.)

The world?s not going to end this week, so you better be ready for failures and major life changes down the road. Just like the ?real? end of the world, you can?t do anything about your figurative end but accept it and try to move on. If that involves joining a Mad Max-like motorcycle gang, then so be it.