Why Self-Deprecating Humor Makes You Attractive

It is interesting to see how we are influenced by society, and in many cases by the media, via advertising, movies and television. Social influence is what makes us believe that you need to impress women in order to show them how successful and attractive you are. And that’s what the average man tries to do: Impressing the woman and showing, directly and indirectly, why he is the ideal man for her.

Men do this by telling how successful they are at work/college, or by telling how people love them. I’ve even heard more than once, men trying to impress women by telling how great they are in bed. But, as you’ve probably learned from your experience with women, the female logic is different than the male one. For us, as men, it seems legitimate to demonstrate how strong/good we are.

But the problem is, that with women it doesn’t really work this way. In fact, when you try to impress a girl, you are actually showing her that you are probably not good enough for her. According to the “feminine logic”, if you were that successful as you are trying to describe, you would have been already taken.Therefore you are either lying, or trying to hide some big negative points.

Show That You Are Not Trying To Impress

There is a well-known episode on Seinfeld, where George goes out on many dates, and seems to be generally not successful with women. So he decides to do the opposite of what he usually does, and instead of impressing, he approaches a girl and tells her: “Hi, my name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents”. He was, of course, expecting the girl to totally ignore him, but amazingly, she seems to be interested in him, and even gives him her phone number. Here is a short part of this chapter:

It took me a long time to really get it: The key to impressing women, is by making it look as if you are not trying to impress. This is strongly related to confidence, because really confident men, don’t care about what a woman thinks of them. They will never try to impress her. While most men try to impress, George showed that he is not trying at all, on the contrary. When George went on a date with this girl, he continued telling her what a terrible person he was, and the girl became even more attracted and interested.

You might think that it works only on TV, but this tactic is great also in the real world. When you tell women that negative things about yourself, you show that you are first of all human, and also that you are different from average men, and not trying to impress.

Self-Deprecating Humor

What George did, was actually using a method called “Self-Deprecation”, which is giving a woman reasons, why you are not a good mate for her. While George used this method in a serious manner, it’s best used as a way of humor. This is done in a way that the girl understands that you are just kidding, but yet you are not trying to impress.

Let’s see some examples:

The girl asks you what you do for living. “I am actually unemployed, but I decided to apply to work at McDonald’s. I hope they will accept me”.

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”. “I am terrible at sex. Every girl that I ever met has left me immediately after the first time slept with me”.

What do you study?”, “I am still trying to finish high school, actually”.

This method should be used in a humorous way. The woman needs to understand that you are just kidding with her. While a regular guy, would have given the most “impressive” answer he could (“I have a great job”, “I had many women in my life but none of them was good enough”), you show that you are unique. You are not trying to impress her.

But yet, remember, this is not the only way to create attraction. You can’t use it every time you answer her questions. It’s just one of the methods and “tricks” you should use. And yet, you will be surprised how positively women react to self-deprecating humor, and how easily you will create attraction using this method.

Written by Richard Liso. Richardis a fan of personal improvement and developing success skills. He also owns his personal blog about dating, attraction and picking-up women.