Topical Cream, 12.03.10

Manofest: This website ? tagline: Masculinity times infinity ? is all about lists. One of the best of the recent vintage is Top Ten Female Celebrities Who Owe Their Career to Their Breasts. I?ll tell you right now, you don?t care about debating who might have been snubbed or erroneously left off the list. Just look at the photos and watch the videos.

Soccer hates freedom: So, the United States was up to host the World Cup in either 2018 or 2022. This is how far ahead you have to plan. When the future host nations were revealed on December 3^rd, however, the winners were? Russia and Qatar. Russia? Sure, bygones, no problem. But Qatar is a tiny nation attached to Saudi Arabia like a third nipple. It?s 120 degrees in the shade in summertime, booze is hard to come by, and women are expected to cover up, which we?re sure will go over really well with the Latin American nations who qualify ? their TV hosts alone will incite a riot.

Steve Martin is too damn smart: So, apparently, Steve Martin, the legendary comedian, has written a book about art. Hey, that?s impressive! I can?t imagine, say, Dane Cook doing something that highbrow. So, Steve?s invited to discuss art with an art critic on stage in front of a live audience. Despite having fair warning of the subject, the audience

Merry Christmas to all!

finds it boring, complains and gets refunds. The fuck? Perhaps Steve should have regaled them with a re-enactment of all of his pratfalls from Cheaper by the Dozen, parts 1 and 2. Or, failing that, his hilariously profane rant from Planes Trains and Automobiles. Now that?s art.

Watching robots work: At my house, we have a couple of adults, an eight-year-old kid, and an old person. There is only one television show that reaches all corners of this micro-demographic: How It?s Made on the Science Channel. Watching other people (or robots) work is endlessly fascinating to all of us. This video of plastic being laid down in layers to build furniture taps into that tech fascination in a very similar way.

Is this a controlled substance?: Starbucks now has a holiday drink called the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. It packs 700 calories, which is about a full meal?s worth, plus caffeine. It?s available in Tall, Grande, Vente and LookatmelikethatagainandI?llfuckingkillyou.

Santa?s Little Helper: Just in case you?re having trouble getting into the holiday frame of mind, it?s always helpful to look at attractive women in lingerie loosely based on the costume of a jolly fat saint.