Topical Cream, 10.15.10

Product placement has reached a new low: The Chilean miners who were rescued after two months underground have been given all kinds of free stuff, including expensive sunglasses and a certain well-known music player. You see what I did there? The way I wrote it, it?s a feel-good story about guys who suffered and got some gifts in recompense. All the articles that mention the brand names are just giving free advertising to some companies that really don?t need it. Am I cynical? Yes. But I?m also right.

You?re driving me crazy: I have a lot of questions about this guy who tried to have sex with his car while high on PCP. First, was there foreplay, or did he jump straight for the accelerator? Second, does the Chevy ever let him do it in the tailpipe? Third, does the hooptie know about that sexy little Miata he has on the side? These are important facts that should have been mentioned in the original report.

Tasty Lebanese dish: Esquire did this really cool thing recently where they chose a ?sexiest woman? for every sovereign nation in the entire world. I paged through the slideshow, figuring I?d eventually decide from everything I?d seen. When I got to the photo of , however, I screeched to a halt and wrote these sentences.

Finn finished in the news biz: If you lined up 100 anchormen and asked me which one would be fired for breaking out a brewski on the air, I would pick this guy every time. Which is pretty clever of me, because that?s exactly what happened. With video, so you know it has to be good.

I know who I?m voting for: We?re all being inundated with misdirections, half-truths and outright lies right now, because election day is nearing. The minute I hear that ominous music every candidate on the planet uses to slam his opponent, I run screaming from my mother-in-law?s apartment (because only old people don?t have DVRs, amiright?). This Canadian political ad is the best, though. Because seriously, who hasn?t wanted to kick a kid in the face?

One more time, with feeling: I never really know how the writers at Slate.com come up with their odd takes on pop culture. This article is about GIF animations that run on infinite loops (and slow your computer down, but that?s just my bitterness talking). You probably won?t want to read the text, as it?s a bit of a wank. But speaking of wanking, you will want to scroll down and watch the loop of Christina Hendricks from Mad Men standing up and turning around. Over and over and over and over. It?s just that majestic.