My Dirty Little Secret

It Wasn’t Always Like This

I have a confession to make.

I describe myself as a ?professional sex coach.? Men travel from all around the country and pay thousands of dollars to have me teach them how to become great in bed. And lately I?ve even achieved some level of fame (or infamy, depending on how you look at it) by being featured in Playboy, Maxim, and other nationally distributed magazines. But here?s the dirty little secret I?ve been hiding from all of them.

Don't disappoint her

As much as I?d like to pretend that I was, I wasn?t always good in bed. And in fact, I wasn?t just average, or mediocre. Just six short years ago, I was fucking terrible. And goddamn it?s hard to tell you this?but here?s how bad it was:

I can remember exactly how I felt when I was about to have sex. It didn?t happen very often, so when I sensed I was about to get laid I got giddy with excitement. I could FEEL it in my gut, and I would think, ?This is it ? finally I?m going to get what I?ve been fantasizing about for months. I?m finally going to have sex.?

Hands shaking with excitement, I would feverishly strip her clothes off as fast as possible when I got her into my bedroom. I would try to finger her or go down on her, but I was clumsy and impatient so I soon gave that up. And then I would penetrate her. It would feel amazing but then after just a few seconds, I would get that old familiar feeling. I was going to finish way too soon, way before she even approached an orgasm herself. I would try and try to stop it, but nothing worked. And after just a few minutes, I?d be humiliated by blowing my load way too soon ? AGAIN! She would roll over and go to sleep with thinly concealed disappointment.

All those fantasies, all that excitement, all that anticipation. And when the time came for me to actually have sex, time and time again it would end in a pathetic, humiliating anticlimax. But that wasn?t the worst part. The worst part was actually AFTERWORDS, when she was gone. When I was hanging out with friends, talking about sex. You know what I felt like?

Remember that scene in ?The 40 Year Old Virgin? where all the guys are sitting around talking about sex? They?re all just vibing and having a good time talking about the great sex they?ve had. And Steve Carrell?s character (the 40-year-old virgin, in case you?ve been living under a rock) is just sitting there holding his breath, praying nobody finds out what a sexual failure he is. He can?t relate to anything that?s being said, because he?s NEVER experienced great sex. And he can?t stand being so left out, so he tries to fake it. But he just ends up humiliating himself by saying something stupid, and it?s blatantly obvious to everyone just how much of a sexual failure he is.

That?s what it was like for me. I felt that because I was so bad in bed, I had to be constantly LYING to cover up my embarrassing secret. When my friends started talking about sex, I would have to make up fake stories about giving women orgasms which never happened. When someone asked me how often my girlfriend and I would have sex, I would lie and say, ?Like every day man, she wants it all the time.? Even though the truth was, I could barely get her to have sex once a month. And when I was single and trying to attract women, I would try to fake like I was a sexually confident guy. I would learn all kinds of pickup lines and stupid tricks to FOOL her into thinking I was the type of guy she?d want to be with. Even though I knew deep down that if we ever did have sex, she?d be left empty and disappointed from my two minute ?performance.?

In fact, I was lying so much it didn?t even seem like I was telling individual lies anymore. I was actually just LIVING A LIE. I would walk around all day trying to put on a front of sexual confidence, and I would try to ACT like I was a guy any woman would be lucky to have. Even though if any woman knew the TRUTH, she?d avoid me like the plague.

In fact my lies became so severe, that I had to start DECEIVING MYSELF in order to keep it up. I would tell myself things like ?I?m pretty good in bed. I THINK she had an orgasm last night.? Even though deep down, I knew she didn?t.

When that didn?t work, I would tell myself it didn?t matter that much because sex really wasn?t that important. Despite the reality staring me right in the face of woman after woman being disappointed, frustrated, and pissed off at me because of my inability to please them. I even started repeating affirmations in the mirror each morning. ?I am a sexually confident alpha male. I am a sexually confident alpha male. I am a sexually confident alpha male.?