Topical Cream, 7.09.10

Wood or Iron?: People play golf in the summertime. I don?t really understand it, because I tend to melt into a puddle of goo just walking down to the mailbox on a 100 degree day, but to each his own. Or her own. That?s my segue to the Golf Babes Blog. Deal with it.

Predators: My first two years of college, I lived in a small, all-male dorm. There was a communal TV and VCR (yes, that long ago) in the basement, and Predator received a showing every couple of weeks. We just never got tired of it. Apparently, nobody has, because the franchise is still going strong twenty years later. My idea to enhance future showings is this: let the audience choose, via voting, which character gets killed first. Personally, I?d pick off Topher Grace first, then let the rasta beasties go after that beanpole Adrien Brody. But that?s just me.

I?m too sexy for my amortization schedules: A Manhattan banker named is claiming she was forced out of a good job with Citibank because she was too good-looking. The evidence would seem to indicate that she has a leg or two to stand on, while her long, dark hair riffles in the breeze and her long eyelashes lower seductively over her beautiful eyes. It very well could be that this is true: I know I wouldn?t be too excited to reveal the depths of my bank account to someone who looked that good.

Death by wanking: I think we?ve all had that blue-balls feeling. The one that makes you feel like you might just die if you don?t get some relief. I had no idea women got that feeling, nor that it actually is possible to die from over-arousal. Man. Sometimes the news just takes the fun out of everything.

Well, dur.: You may have read about the vuvuzela: the obnoxious plastic horn that is persistently blatted and footzed at World Cup soccer matches. Now we get the headline ?Peruvians hide dope in their vuvuzelas?. Yeah, and in their shoes and their hats and their laptop computers and their housepets. Good luck finding a place where Peruvians don?t hide their dope. Then again, if you?re undergoing a cavity search, you pretty much expect someone to stick their hand up your vuvuzela.

Buckle up.: Apparently, the hot new fetish is pictures of women strapped into seatbelts. It?s some offshoot of bondage, apparently. If the photos are all like the one that headlines the linked article, I have to say I?m perfectly fine with it.