Topical Cream, 6.11.10

The A-Team: This phenomenon of rehashing old TV shows is kind of baffling to me. Those who are old enough to remember the original Mr. T vehicle are likely to be put off by the re-casting. Those who are too young to have watched the 80s original have no particular reason to be excited by the premise. I wonder which show will be next? I?m hoping for B.J. and the Bear or, even more timely, Diff?rent Strokes.

Evangeline Lilly: When Lost kicked off in 2004, none of us knew who Evangeline Lilly was. We did notice how good

she looked in a tight t-shirt, even when that shirt was pitted with jungle sweat, and so a star was born. No telling where she?ll end up now that the hit series is over, so we?ll give you Lillyphiles something special: A combination of the Kate Austin fantasy and the Mary Anne from Gilligan?s Island fantasy, courtesy of Esquire.

Foods of the World Cup: Most of us will be rooting for the U.S. to make some progress in the World Cup, which starts this weekend. However, if Sam?s Army doesn?t manage to get out of group play, you might want to have a backup team to pull for. Food writer Sarah Sprague is making it easy for us to pick from the myriad other nations present in South Africa by appealing to our taste buds. Each nation is represented by one of their fine national foods, home-cooked by Sarah and complete with mouth-watering photos. Readers can vote on which food will win each group, and I?ll be damned if Brazil might not take the whole thing based on their signature sandwich, as well as their play on the pitch.

Vuvuzelas: Speaking of the World Cup: if you tune in and wonder why it sounds like the match is being played inside a beehive, blame the vuvuzela. It?s an African noisemaker par excellence ? even worse than thunderstix, to some ears. Some countries even have their doctors claiming that the vuvuzela is responsible for spreading the flu virus. I?ve only heard them through the filter of television, so I think they?re kind of cool. And yes, I am aware that the word vuvuzela sounds like some exotic part of a woman?s anatomy.

Pearl Necklace: Oh, pardon me, that?s the Pearl River Necklace, and it?s actually a bridge. Sorry to disappoint. One thing I love about Asian design sense: practical problems are solved with flair and originality. The proposed criss-crossing span looks ever so much like something you?d buy for your Matchbox cars, but it serves a real purpose. If the bridge is built between mainland China and Hong Kong, it will automatically re-orient right-side driving Chinese motorists for left-side driving Hong Kong highways. Plus, it will look really, really cool.

White dresses are overrated: According to the website The Book of Odds, only 1 in 7 women are virgins when they marry. So, good work, gents. Get back to it.

Girl-Girl Action: I?m a grownup, so I don?t watch the MTV awards any more. Fortunately, thanks to the internet, I don?t have to. I can get free video on some gossip site that shows Sandra Bullock kissing Scarlett Johansson full on the mouth during the silly event. I mean, damn. I?m done. My favorite MILF smooching a hottie who?s young enough to be my? niece. Yeah, that?s the ticket.