Topical Cream, 6.04.10

Get Him To The Greek: Sometimes I think ?How the hell is Jonah Hill a movie star?? Then I take a good look at myself ? a tubby guy who likes to crack jokes ? and I think ?Hallelujah!? Hill has had memorable lines in so many of the

recent nerd comedies (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Superbad amongst them) and we?re sure this latest one will be no different. It might be a little tougher to carry a movie than to steal one, but we?re pleased to see he?s getting a shot at it. There are tons of celebrity cameos in this rock-star road comedy, including Christiana Aguilera, Lars Ulrich and Pink.

#igethorny: These days, folks will share just about anything on Twitter. This trending topic has guys and gals speaking freely about what turns them on. Some of it?s obvious? others, not so much.

Surround-sound from your phone: Misleading headlines R Us. Of course, the tiny speakers on your phone will never give you quality sound. However, the new Orbitsounds sound bar allows you to plug your iPod or iPhone in once you get home and get good sound all over the living room. It doesn?t sound like much, but as more and more of us transfer all of our media onto handheld gadgets, quality sound accessories will be a growing industry. In addition, you can plug your existing home theater stuff into the bar so it doesn?t go to waste.

The right way to sell a car: Apparently Honda is tired of talking about things like suspension, turbochargers and safety records. Now, they want you to buy their cars because a hot woman got naked and rolled in blue paint. Works for me.

Pimp My Vespa: Space is at a premium in Japan, and we suppose that goes for road space as well. So it kind of makes sense that Tokyo?s latest underground trend is to buy a scooter and turn it into a badass ride. That means lowriders with hydraulics and all manner of dramatic shells that make the scooters somehow cool enough for the island nation?s gangstas to sit on. Not quite a Harley, but we suppose you have to work with what you have.

Don?t lase me, bro!: Ladies and gents, it?s official. America has the world?s first fully-functional military ray gun. It?s immense, but the LaWS gun works. Mounted on a swiveling mount referred to as R2-D2, the zapper successfully vaporized several flying drones in a recent Navy test firing. In other news, the term science fiction just lost most of its meaning.

Chick Fight!: Asylum magazine recently ran a single-elimination tournament to decide who was the sexiest ass-kicking babe in American pop culture. The vote featured the likes of Lara Croft, Wonder Woman, Princess Leia and Battlestar Galactica?s Kara Thrace. We won?t give away who won ? you?ll need to follow the link to find out ? because our personal feeling is that when hot women fight, there are no losers.