Stupid People: Enough With The Sack Taps, Everyone!

“Sack tapping.” Apparently, it’s a real thing. According to Urban Dictionary it’s “a trick played on a fellow athlete where the open hand smacks the target’s testicles with the knuckles in a sharp, wrist flicking motion.” It was a popular thing in the various wrestling and football circles back when I was in high school, which was a decent amount of time ago, but last week finally saw the actual news media report this “hard-hitting news story” in the wake of a kid actually having to get a testicle of his amputated due to a sack tap. Let’s go to the news story:

David?s mother, Christy Gibbons, said it wasn?t until hours later that they realized something was wrong.

“One o’clock in the morning he woke me up and told me he was in excruciating pain,” she said.

David was taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Brainerd, Minn. where surgeons removed his right testicle.

And David is not the only student who has suffered the consequences of the ?sack tapping? game.

“It’s just gotten way out of control,” said Dr. Scott Wheeler, a urologist in Brainerd, Minn. who says he performs three to four surgeries a year on boys with ruptured testicles and other complications as a result of ?sack tapping.?

So, there you have it. Everyone! Let’s stop it with this “sack tapping” nonsense. In fact, I have a solution. How about this? If you “sack tap” someone, then that person has full and legal right to fucking punch you in the fucking face for being an asshole. Good?

In conclusion, here’s a gallery of photos that pop up when you put in the phrase “hurt balls” in a Google Image search:

Keep it safe out there, boys and (closeted homosexual) boys.