Topical Cream, 5.28.10

Yay cellphones: Not only do cellphones help us keep in touch with one another, they provide excellent new opportunities for public nudity. The latest person to go naked and famous is rock star Hayley Williams of the popular group Paramore. She issued the standard ?I?ve been haxxored, OMG!? denial, but this sort of thing happens so often these days, it?s starting to seem more like a planned publicity stunt than anything.

Prince of Persia: I?m not sure how I feel about movies adapted from video games. Especially if they star Jake Gyllenhaal, who has kind of a goofy aura about him. Then again, this week?s big release signals the true beginning of summer movie season, which is all about sword fights and explosions, so let?s get it on. Unless you?d prefer to go see Sex and the City 2. We totally understand.

Mach 5: This isn?t a link to the Speed Racer homepage. It?s recognition for the latest ?just because we can? moment in NASA?s history. The space agency created an unmanned aircraft that is basically a high-tech jet engine with some data-collecting gear nestled in some aerodynamic places. It hit Mach 5 ? five times the speed of sound ? for over three minutes in a recent trial. This dedication to balls-out speed is one of the things that makes America great, eh?

Self-Diagnosis: iPad has come out with software that allows you home-hypochondriacs to diagnose your ills by inputting symptoms. It kind of looks like a high-tech version of the game Operation. It may not be the most accurate thing around, but it will surely diagnose you faster than the stumblebums on the Fox hit House. They generally go through fifteen wrong diagnoses before hitting on something truly outrageous and saving the patient?s life in the nick of time.

Viva Switzerland!: Switzerland is such a mysterious place. Love their cheese. The knives are still pretty cool. Not sure what to make of the whole neutrality thing. But it turns out there?s no law against being naked in public in the country, so tons of nudist mountain climbers and hikers are showing up to scale the Alps au naturel. The hills are alive with the sound of dangly bits a-flappin?.

O Canada!: While I?m going multinational, I might as well signal my respect for our neighbors to the north. There are so many gorgeous canuck women in the U.S. entertainment industry, you might not even be aware of which ones crossed the border to brighten our days. The slide show linked above will give you a head start. I especially appreciate this, because I once had a girlfriend in Canada. NO, REALLY