Topical Cream, 5.21.10

World Cup hotties: The World Cup is just weeks away, so it?s time to do some quick research and pretend we know what the hell we?re talking about. Most of us have no interest in reading predictions based on who runs the offside trap more efficiently. That?s where Gheorghe: the Blog comes in. They?ve theorized that, in a low-scoring international match, the team with the most to gain will have the edge. In other words, those who most want to score after the match will score during the match as well. Which is probably why Brazil is so often a favorite. Photographic evidence of each nation?s finest ladies is provided.

MacGruber!: It?s been a while since the last time a Saturday Night Live skit was turned into a feature film. I think that?s a good thing. Typically, the characters don?t have enough funny moments in them to sustain a seven-minute skit every week, let alone two hours of movie-theater time. That being the rule rather than the exception, I?m a little worried about MacGruber, a sketch that rarely takes longer than 30 seconds to get to the punch line. But I hope I?m wrong, because I love a good spy movie spoof. The movie opens this weekend.

#songstohavesexto: This has been a popular topic on Twitter recently, for obvious reasons. Some people have some strange ideas when it comes to the horizontal bump & grind, but that?s part of the fun of social media, right? My personal favorite is ?Flight of the Bumblebee?, but I?m hoping to work my way up to a nice bluegrass number soon.

My cannabis to the chef: Hold on to your hats, kids. Apparently, the chefs who have been creating dishes like ?Ostrich medallions in cranberry-sausage aoli? have been high the whole time! Leave it to the New York Times to consider this news. Then again, it is a little surprising that we haven?t yet been served Cheetos flamb? with chunky peanut-butter amuse bouche and hot dog fajitas. These are some high-functioning stoners.

Get the Fox out of here!: You may be one of those people who finds Shia LeBeouf to be incredibly annoying. You would not be alone. In fact, I would be standing next to you if you were this theoretical person. But you probably would have watched the two Transformers movies anyway, because Megan Fox does things like lean over motorcycles in short shorts. Now we?re left with the prospect of going to see a movie about space robots because we actually want to see the space robots. Right.

Fringe benefits: I?m a big fan of the Fox show Fringe. It took me a while to warm up to the show?s female star, Anna Torv, because the show requires her to wear dull black FBI suits and frown a lot. My interest piqued a bit in this week?s episode, which featured a cat fight between parallel-universe versions of Torv?s character: one blonde, one brunette. If that image isn?t hot enough for you, visit the link above. Esquire figured they?d just do away with the suit entirely.