Understanding the Masters

This Thursday many of you may watch golf on television for the first time. As a fan of golf on television, the Masters is a singular experience. It?s not the Super Bowl, the World Series or the Olympics that make me crave a high definition television; it?s the Masters.

The shape and the contour of the greens, the perfectly-manicured fairways with the relatively recently introduced rough and the spring flowers in bloom make this little section of Georgia seem like Eden. It?s also like Eden because women are persona non grata there.

But, if you?re turning in for the first time, it?s not for the beauty of the course; it?s because of Tiger Woods and the ?scandal? that is plaguing him. (OHMYGOSH, rich and powerful men like to sleep with a lot of women! Wait, sorry, that?s not really the scandal summary. OHMYGOSH, men like to sleep with a lot of women. Wait, still not quite it. Let me try one more time. OHMYGOSH, significant others cheat on significant others!) I?m here to explain some things about this tournament that makes it unique so that you don?t get confused.

First of all, the Masters is the only tournament where winning gets you a lifetime exemption. Once you win here, you get to play the tournament every year. Which is no small accomplishment since the Masters field is the smallest of all the majors. Tiger Woods? mistresses on the other hand make up the largest field of mistresses of all professional golfers and are yet another way that Tiger dominates other golfers.

The Masters Tournament is also the only major golf tournament where the same course is used every year. Surprisingly, Tiger has not yet tired of this one course and will continue to play it this year, his sixteenth year in a row.

When you hear the term ?Amen Corner,? it is not the first right hand turn out of the Florida housing development where Tiger Woods lives. It refers to the stretch of golf shots from the approach on 11 to the drive on 13 that Herbert Warren Wind characterized as ?Amen Corner? in a Sports Illustrated article in 1958. With a pond protecting the left side of the green on 11, Rae?s Creek protecting the front of short par three 12 to the necessity of good drive on 13 in order to have a chance to putt for eagle, these shots often have a real impact on the winner of the tournament.

?Making the cut? involves being part of the forty-four lowest scores and ties and those within ten strokes of the leader so that you get to start play on Saturday. For Tiger, ?making the cut? means you have a vagina.

?Moving day? is what fans of the sport call Saturday at the Masters Tournament as this is the day where you can quickly shoot yourself out of winning or position yourself to pursue the win on Sunday. It is also the day when Elin will finally kick Tiger out of their Windermere home.

I think that is all you need to know to enjoy the tournament. Will I be rooting for Tiger this weekend? To put it simply, yes. I know that if I want to watch great, exciting competitive golf, generally Tiger will be involved. This years? Masters Tournament will help me to tell if I?ll be watching record setting golf in the future or if I?m watching the birth of the next ?great? reality TV star. Unfortunately, ?The Woods of Love? just doesn?t appeal to me.