Nerd Fun: Joss Whedon’s Offer To Buy The Terminator

For anyone who saw the horrendous Terminator: Salvation ? and by the looks of the box office receipts, there certainly weren?t that many ? it’s pretty obvious that this once-flourishing sci-fi franchise is on its last legs. When an on-the-set tirade by your lead actor gets a hundred times more publicity than anything in the actual movie, you?re in trouble. So it?s not exactly the biggest surprise that the company who holds the rights to the franchise are trying to get some money out of it while they still can. What is surprising is that they?re so desperate for money, they?re actually putting the rights of the franchise up on eBay.

Well, there?s a certain young buck who is willing to take them up on their offer: Mr. Joss . In a letter to the owners of the franchise, lays down his offer: A cool $10,000. I?ll let Joss take over from here:

I am Joss , the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where ?hood? was capitalized ?cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the ?grapevine? that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.

No, you didn?t miscount. That?s four — FOUR! — zeroes after that one. That?s to show you I mean business. And I mean show business. Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here?s what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don?t ever notice me. The Terminator story is as formative and important in our culture — and my pretend play — as any I can think of. It?s far from over. And before you Terminator-Owners (I have trouble remembering names) rush to cash that sweet cheque, let me give you a taste of what I could do with that franchise:

1) Terminator… of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? ?Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!? RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he?s a cyborg and he doesn?t give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he?s doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).

As you can imagine, it?s worth reading its entirety. Head over to Deadline.com for the full version.

[EDITORIAL NOTE: Since the name ?Joss ? is nerd catnip, it?s only right to offer a heartfelt and sincere welcome to our dorkier brethren. So, nerds of the world, welcome to the site. We sure do hope you enjoy it. And that it helps you finally lose that pesky virginity of yours.]