I Heart Elizabeth Lambert: Thoughts on Male Attraction

As a dating columnist, I spend a lot of time doling out advice on attracting and chasing babes. Although this may beg the question, what kinds of babes does Rob like? For me, I don’t have a cookie-cutter preference. It’s a case-by-case basis where something that may attract me to one girl will repulse me in another, and vice versa. Like hardcore pornography, I can’t always define my attraction, but I know it when I see it (or feel it). I believe this is the most genuine way to interact with girls, having no preconceived notions of whom or what she has to live up to. This way, you can actually appreciate who she is as well as allow your own feelings to develop.

While I’m not advocating forgetting your standards, or being wishy-washy on behavior that you do and do not tolerate, I do advocate “keeping it real.” Asking girls whether they “can cook” or if they’re “adventurous” is try-hard, unless you’re genuinely curious about those things, at that moment. It pains my ears to hear a guy attempting to “flip the script” on a babe by informing her she better know how to cook and be adventurous because his last stripper model superhero girlfriend was a total adventurous cook. In their next breath, those same guys want to know if her nails are real. Give me a break, bros. Give my ears a break, too. Stop saying this nonsense and see the good in a chick for who she is, even if she’s a total badass. (Cue the clip!)

That’s Elizabeth Lambert, a total babe by Rob’s standards. Sure, she may be a cold-hearted bitch, pulling hair and kicking skanks, but something about her is just so…sexy. Usually, I enjoy a girl who puts up a bit of a challenge, acts a little bitchy, and throws a few curveballs into the conversation to keep me on my game, but this chick takes it to another level. A “shit-test” from Elizabeth Lambert would probably mean getting a soccer ball kicked in your face. And would you ever have to worry about some chump hitting on her? God, she’d probably put a cleat in someone’s manhood before she’d let a bad pickup go beyond the opener.

All in all, Elizabeth Lambert is the type of chick I’d imagined I’d end up with when I was 11-years-old and listening to gangster rap. She’s a no-nonsense broad who punches, kicks, and hair-pulls. What a fucking babe! Despite having to constantly watch my back and keep my hair trimmed, I think Elizabeth Lambert is a girl I could fall in love with.

So there you have it: that’s how the dating columnist picks his girls. He doesn’t walk around asking dumb questions because he thinks it’ll get him girls. He keeps an open mind, doesn’t judge girls, and surfs YouTube until he find some hot clip of some hot babe pulling some gangster shit. If nothing else, Elizabeth Lambert is the definition of “feisty.”