Musings: A Random Reflection on Love

I once had a friend, Juggy Fats, ask me, ?If your relationship with your girlfriend was a question on the SAT, what would it be??

These sorts of questions were my friend Juggy Fats? favorite. He had a tragic inclination for the theoretical, and, since I?d been his roommate for 4 years, I was his favorite subject to survey.

If I could go back on it, I should?ve answered him: If two glass hearts are traveling toward each other at equal speed on the same track, calculate how long it will take for the glass hearts to collide if the distance between them is the truth measured in lies per second.

However, I probably gave some knee-jerk response about love or something that sounded like love. Obviously, this led to a string of questions like, ?If your ex-girlfriends were a rock band, would they play acoustic or electric?? or, ?If you had to describe love on the back cover of a best selling paperback, what would it say??

Questions like these made me think of a summer I spent at the summerhouse of my longest ex-girlfriend, ?Sonia.? That was the summer we went on hikes and ate seafood and downed pitchers of beers. We ended those eternal days falling into her house early in the evening, being so tired we?d go straight to bed. And we just slept at first. We wouldn?t even take off our clothes or shoes. Then, at some dark a.m. hour I never took notice of, we?d both find ourselves waking with our hands already on each other. Before I was even conscious of what was happening, half her shirt was unbuttoned, her hands were already sliding down my pants. And, that, to me, in a lot of ways, is love. It?s waking and finding yourself doing things you?ll make sense of later. It?s not sleeping, but it?s not waking either. I knew love in those few melting seconds where I wasn?t dreaming, where I wasn?t completely awake.

When I turned the question around on Juggy Fats, he gave an answer more apropos to the actual situation.

To him, love (as we know it) is analogous to toilet paper. Since the dawn of civilized man, he claims, nothing?s changed. Love, like toilet paper, is hideously primitive. Man meets woman, they have kids, they fight, they makeup, they make each other miserable. Toilet paper is only one small step up from shoving leaves up your ass. I guess I can see his point, somewhat. How is it that we?ve invented iPhones, yet we haven?t invented more streamline ways for men and women to comfortably spawn offspring and clean their asses? It?s shit.

It?s shit people pretend don?t stink.