Throughout high school and into my first semester of college I was absolutely paralyzed by my fear of talking to beautiful women.

The minute I sensed an interaction coming, I would tense up, my mouth would dry, my voice would crack, and I would feel my body visibly shaking.

I began to fear this reaction so much that I completely avoided talking with any women.  Heck, even merely thinking about approaching a woman brought about this paralyzing reaction.

As I became determined to get better with women I thought the solution was to completely eliminate this nervousness and fear.  I tried various forms of affirmations, nlp, self hypnosis, and visualizations.  But none of this seemed to work.  In fact, the only thing that ever provided me the courage to chat up a woman was drinking… lots of drinking.

Unfortunately, while drinking gave me the courage to approach, by the time that courage arrived, I had lost most of my ability to hold a conversation without making a complete jackass out of myself.

I knew there had to be a better way…

The Energy of an Audience

Around the same time I was battling this approach anxiety with women, I was quickly conquering a lifelong “stage fright” I had about performing in front of large groups of people.

I was in a fraternity at college, and we routinely performed a homecoming skit in front of an audience containing several thousand people every year.  Our skit had a long reputation as being the “show stealer” and we always had a pressure to perform.  (Until Montclair State banned us from campus for one our skits)

I came to realize something after performing a major role in two of the skits.  The realization was that on game day, in front of the thousands of people, with all the pressure on… we actually performed at a much higher level.

Yes, the actual performance ALWAYS came off many times better than our rehearsals that we did in private.

This is not a phenomenon isolated to us… in fact; musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes often talk about “Game Day Performance” always out performing their practice sessions.

These same musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes routinely talk about how the pressure elevates them to a higher level, and how the fear turns into an adrenaline rush that ignites an almost zen like state.  And how they feed off the energy of the crowd.

During my times performing in front of thousands of people at MSU I came to understand what they meant by that.

Feeding off the energy of a woman

It was also during the same period that I came to realize something else in regards to nervousness with women:

If you completely lose your nervousness around a woman, you also lose the sexual tension, the excitement, the desire to perform, and a bit of your mojo.

Yes, after clawing and fighting my way into several relationships during college, I quickly learned that once that nervousness around a woman fades, so does my excitement to interact with her.  And not only does my excitement diminish… but so does my performance.

When there is no pressure, no fear, and no nervousness… I find that I am much less often “on.” My jokes aren’t as funny.  I am much less charismatic.  And the sexual tension is completely zapped from the room.

You here the same story from the athletes, musicians, and public speakers.  Many of them will declare how once they become too comfortable… their performance diminishes.  It loses the spark that harbored all the passion and energy.]

Learn to Love the Nervousness

The key to overcoming your nervousness around women is NOT to completely eliminate it.  No, complete elimination of your fear would probably kill your mojo and prevent you from performing at a peak level…  Instead, you want to turn that nervousness into sexual electricity.

Earlier in this article I talked about the symptoms of nervousness around women.  These symptoms include; dry mouth, tenseness, fidgetiness, shaking, and cracking of the voice.  These symptoms don’t come from the nervousness itself.  These symptoms come from the surprise the nervousness causes your body.

When you jump into a new state, and fear arises unexpectedly, your body responds with these symptoms.  It is a gut level reaction.  And in order to overcome this anxiety, you must learn how to change the symptoms of the nervousness. And not the nervousness itself.

How to turn fear into sexual electricity

Every time my fraternity stepped in front of the crowd of thousands to perform our homecoming skit… we were all full of fear and nervousness.

But we were ready for it…

And because we were ready for it we were able to transmute that fear into energy.

Here is how we did it.

The day of the parade we would thrive on the adrenaline that was pumping through our veins.  We became social animals.  We would march through campus sucking up the adulation and energy of the many people asking us if we were ready to perform.

The more people that we talked to, the more pressure that mounted, the further and further we went into our zen like state.

That nervous energy became energy to exceed all expectations.  It became energy to top last year’s performance.  And it became so intense that we were operating at a completely different plane of existence.

This is what you must learn to do with women.

First, feel and acknowledge the nervousness and fear.

Now it is no longer a surprise… making it much less likely that the really damaging symptoms will occur.

Next, embrace the fear and nervousness.  This fear should make you swell up with adrenaline that you are alive and filled with the capability to live outside your comfort zone- and the excitement of knowing that you are about to experience something new.

Remember, you no longer feel this fear and nervousness around women you’re no longer attracted to… and trust me, when it’s gone, you’ll do anything to get it back.

Now, ignite the energy by elevating yourself to the next level socially.  Get outside your head, and begin sucking in the energy of everyone around you.  As you suck in their energy make it a point to give back just as much energy as you take…

It is at this point that the sexual electricity should begin flowing through your veins.

Finally, engage in conversations with women that most excite you.  And begin to share that sexual electricity with them.

You’ll find that not all women will be receptive you this electricity… but in your heightened state you just need to find the few that are.

And sparks will fly.