Just in time for those folks who looked at their calendars today and noticed, oh shit, last Sunday was Father’s Day so I better head over to the Internet and find something to order, blame the late gift on the USPS – specifically their policy of constantly raising their postage every goddamn week! – and give a gift that will keep me in my paternal parent’s good graces for the next 360-so-odd days, comes news of this COMPLETELY-AMAZING CONTRAPATION!

The Genital-Separator Chair:

The chair, which was found via BuzzFeed, uses ergonomic design and adds a gap in the middle of the chair “to keep pressure away from sensitive genitals.” (As if there were any other kind.) And I know what you’re saying. “I understand that ordinary chairs are bad on your testicles, but what about an undivided saddle chair?” Think again, pal. As the hilarious announcer makes a point of noting, “In the right saddle chair posture, even the testicles get pressed.”

Don’t settle for genital-separator imitators! Order today!