The Importance Of The Fast Kiss

Excerpt from my book Bang:

You?ll notice I gave a way to start the date without accounting for whether you kissed her or not in your previous encounter. That?s because even if you did kiss her beforehand, you can?t just greet her with your tongue?you have to ?start over? again and rebuild the energy from the last time you saw her. It?s like re-priming a pump. When it comes to the first date, the only difference that prior kissing makes is towards the end of the date, when you are most likely to get farther.

How important is it to kiss a girl when you first meet her? There are a couple ways of looking at it. The first: Does kissing a girl increase the likelihood of her returning my first call? From my experience and that of my friends, it seems to make a small difference. That?s because kissing is really not a big deal in this culture, where girls will kiss a guy just because she is intoxicated and her friend is already hooked up with another guy. (But in Argentina, for example, the kiss is a big deal and probably would increase chances of a return call).

The fast kiss actually does two things: (1) it keeps you on task and (2) it makes the first date a lot more exciting. When you?re talking to a girl and your goal is something vague like ?build attraction,? what happens is you may overdo things like humor for the sake of being interesting and miss an opportunity. Instead of thinking of how ready she is to receive your mouth, you are wondering what your next awesome conversational piece will be. But if your goal is to kiss her, you will do just enough humor or teasing or conversation until you get those subtle signs to progress things by touching and glancing at her lips instead of talking. You should be getting the kiss under the two hour mark, though 45-60 minutes is more ideal. (If your mind is saying ?That?s crazy!? then you need to work either on your game or venue selection.)

If you don?t kiss her when you first meet, the most you will probably get on the first date is a makeout. Since it?s difficult to get the makeout out of the way early in the date, you have to wait until the end, and by then she will most likely not be prepared for doing much more. But if you did kiss her when you first meet, she is far more open to going past that. She is going on a date with a guy she already kissed because she wants to do more. I haven’t had sex with a girl on the first date that I didn?t kiss beforehand.

For more page-length excerpts of Bang, click here.