Nicholas Cage Continues Streak of Nearly-Unwatchable Films

About a year ago, I watched a little movie called Bad Lieutenant for the first time, an extremely depressing, gritty, drug-fueled mind-shatterer of a flick starring Harvey Keitel as the titular character, who spends most of the movie’s running time going around New York City doing copious amounts of drugs, banging hookers, masturbating onto underage girls, and showing off his junk while throwing his arms up to both sides like Jesus on a cross. So yeah, it’s a heavy movie.

Which is why I was shocked after hearing the news that it was going to be remade with (a) Nicholas Cage as the new not-so-good lieutenant, (b) Werner Herzog – he of Grizzly Man and Fitzcarraldo – manning the director’s chair, even though (c) he admits that he never saw the original. After working a few of my connections, I was able to get an advance copy of the screener going around. (It has yet to find a studio willing to release it, for good reason.) Here was my initial reaction:

That Bad Lieutenant re-imaging starring Nicholas Cage and directed by Werner Herzog? Worst movie I’ve seen in years. Not only is it bad in when you compare it to the original – which is a no-doubter work of art – but it’s bad when you compare it to The Wicker Man. Now I’ve never seen the latter, but judging by the hilarious clip show making its way around the Internet, Cage inhabits the same character as he did in that one. But with the addition of crack.

And now, because of the magic of the Internet, you too can witness the glorious trailer for Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. You’re welcome: