Inverse Operations: The Supremacy of the Man’s Lady

We’ve all heard of the lady’s man, that notorious breed of gel-coiffed, perfumed womanizers who have given nice guys the hurdle of female intimacy issues and nice girls crabs. Yet the lady’s man has fallen from the pinnacle of social deftness to the gutters of infamy, and now there’s a new kid in town. Gentlemen, meet the man’s lady.

The man’s lady is the one most men aspire to be and do. She’s the one that can play with the boys and beat them at their own games. She’s the one who can flip real estate, crepes, and the bird with one hand tied behind her back. She’s the one with the 12 GHz wit and professional chops that could drink you under the table and slaughter you in a game of chess in even less time than it takes you to blow your load when you spank it over her tight body.

While the lady’s man has taken a hit for sampling every item in the smorgasbord, the man’s lady has her pick of the spread yet chooses carefully. She doesn’t settle; she selects. Hence the rise of the man’s lady in the lady’s man’s twilight. To all the Tom, Dick, and Harrys of the world: sorry; it’s time to up the ante. Put down the Judd Apatow flicks and step up.

Of course for every treasure, there is also a knockoff. And you must always beware of those insidious pretenders, the boy’s ladies. A boy’s lady wants to be a man’s lady but fails in her gross approximation to the authentic top tier woman and ought to be avoided like a Bubonic anything. For my Freudian readers, she is The Uncanny who may only lead down a road of cognitive dissonance and horror.

The distinction may be difficult at times because the man’s lady will not limit herself with expectations of comely female behavior and the boy’s lady often diverges from comely female behavior in her attempts to be what she believes you wish her to be. These behaviors often resemble each other. Yet ultimately, the two differ most importantly in that the man’s lady knows what she wants and does what she must to attain it while the boy’s lady believes she knows what a man wants and acts in accordance with what she believes will attain her a man. And why cohort with a boy’s lady when you can play fetch with man’s best friend, who requires less space in the medicine cabinet and can be fed just once daily?

Many fear the man’s lady because of her impermeability to pickup lines, tricks, and flexed muscles. But FDR, the ultimate closet lady’s man had one thing right besides the New Deal: there is nothing to fear but fear itself. And if there is one thing that the man’s lady respects it is pursuing what you want; she does it all the time! So pony up, stud, and have the balls that the most magnificent women do daily.