Sex Scalping Alert: Final Four Edition

(“That scalper must have a heart THIS BIG!”)

The fashionable storyline weaving its way through Final Four narratives this week is a predictable one: The struggling economy of Detroit needs this! It makes sense: D-Town has become the symbolic city of our recession due to its ownership of the American auto industry. And having the games played at Ford Field – the home of the hilariously hapless Lions of the NFL – boosts the seats available per game to a record 75,000. So yes, there will no doubt be more people in the city of Detroit. But what the stories aren’t covering is just how the economy is affecting one of our most precious commodities: Ticket scalpers.

Look at this poor fella, for instance. He’s a Michigan State fan who just wants to find a fellow rooter of the Spartans to sit alongside him and high-five every now and then when something goes Sparty’s way. But since he can’t find any takers for his ticket – which he values between “500-700” dollars – he’s putting it up for free on Craig’s List. Here’s the ad [via The World of Isaac]

“I have a great seat available for a MSU female hottie who would like to go. These are not nosebleed section 300 seats. You will have to spoil me for spoiling you. This ticket is worth 500-700. I am a good looking, easy going and generous white professional male.”

Poor guy. As a graduate from MSU myself, it’s hard to believe he hasn’t yet found his “female hottie” who will spoil him for spoiling her. No doubt he means buying him a hot dog or something. Those things are delicious!

(On a serious note, folks: Has anyone ever tried this Sex Scalping thing before, maybe because you had an extra ticket to Comicon or something? Has it really ever worked?)