Top Prospect’s Wife Caught Robbing Cradle

Just in time for the start of baseball season, we have a tremendously strange story taking shape down in Florida. And this one has nothing to do with steroids!

In short: Jose Tabata, one of the top prospects for the Pittsburgh Pirates – who really need as many prospects as they can get, seeing as the last time they reached the playoffs was right after Nirvana released “Nirvana” – is in a weird bit of trouble after his wife was caught trying to steal a baby.

Wait, what? MLB.COM has the details:

The Manatee County Sherriff’s Office has told the Pirates that Minor League outfielder Jose Tabata was not involved in his wife’s alleged kidnapping of an infant, Pirates president Frank Coonelly said in a statement on Wednesday.

Tabata’s wife, Amalia Tabata Pereira, is being questioned in the abduction of Sandra Cruz-Francisco, a two-month old girl who Pereira allegedly took from a Plant City, Fla., family on Monday. The infant was found safe on Tuesday in Bradenton, Fla., the same city where the Pirates hold Spring Training.

I guess that in the baseball statistic world, Pereira is a 40 SB threat this season. It’s just the “B” stands for “babies”, not “bases”.

What the story also points out is that Pereira is 43 years old while Tabata himself is only 20. Which means, essentially, that the baby she tried to abduct is the second cradle she’s robbed. Ba-dum-bum!

And yes, that joke is essentially the only reason this post exists.