The Pickup Artist’s Brian’s Farewell Interview

Truthfully I never cared to read any of the other contestants farewell interviews over at the Vh1 Blog. Most of the contestants this year just irritated me and I was glad to see them gone. I’m sure there interviews were filled with praise for Mystery, how much their life has changed, and how they have such a close bond with the other contestants… boring!

Brian, on the other hand, was the one contestant who you always wondered what was going to come out of this math. You knew he wouldn’t win, but he was still entertaining to watch. Whether he was repeating “I love pickle juice” “telling girls they looked orange” or “making out with clicked ham… this guy was funny.

His recent interview on Vh1 is no exception. Below are some of the aspects I thought were most fun to read. (read the whole interview here)

Have you put your training to use since the show?

Oh yeah. I’m lovin’ life right now. My results are more than one and less than one hundred. I’ve got to get to know you a little bit better before I let you know the real number.

Have you learned your lesson? You should never call a girl orange.

Yeah, maybe I should’ve said they were too yellow instead. Hey, are you very experienced, sexually? I’m just wondering because I read on a blog, I was reading a bunch of stuff that people were writing about me, but then I read that semen is good for your skin and all these people on the blog were like “You should use the semen opener where you tell a girl semen is really good for her skin.”

What do the girls say to you?

They say “Oh HA HA you are so hilarious. You’re so funny. I love you. Now when can I meet Mystery?” Every girl I talk to wants to meet Mystery or Matador and they wanna use me as a middle man. I took a girl to a party and she ended up hooking up with some other guy to try to get to Mystery.

Do you want to act?

No, the thing is that I found a job on Craigslist and when I went in for an interview they referred me for The Pickup Artist and I’m like, I’m not an actor, I’ve never read scripts but I tried out and like 4 months later they called me and I was like, cool! I had very little investment in it, I hadn’t seen the first season, I don’t have cable. I don’t know anything about pop culture except that Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are drunk-asses. I haven’t even picked up the book The Game yet, I feel like I should read it.