Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along

It was actually Ross Jeffries who originally coined the phrase “Leave them better then you found them.”  He was talking about the women that come in and out of your life.  As you get better with women, this phrase will hold as much importance as anything you’ve been taught before.

I got involved in my first serious relationship my freshman year of college.  Like most young couples, naive to the reality of relationships, my girlfriend Jillian and I rushed in full throttle, spending every waking hour together, and had the names of our future babies already picked out.  The thrill of this relationship lasted about 6 months.  By our ninth month together I desperately wanted to be single again.

I was a naive boy at the time, and thought that by ending the relationship with this girl I would break her heart into a million pieces – forever ruining her for other men.  The more I hinted that I was looking to end the relationship the more she clung closer to me.  I had no idea how to break free from her.

So for the next six months I stayed in a relationship I was miserable in. As time went by I became more and more resentful of Jillian. Soon the resentment grew to anger,  I became  completely a different person.  I was bitter towards her. I criticized everything she did. I made her feel small by talking about her insecurities. I barely paid attention when she spoke to me.  I denied most of her attempts at sexual activity.  Little by little I was ruining her.

I think my plan was to treat her so badly she would end it with me.  And finally she did.  But the whole ordeal took a giant toll on the both of us.  She was a mess. I heard from friends that she actually had to go for counseling.   I wasn’t much better. I hated the person that I became.  I was no longer the charming man that won her over, I was now this bitter, mean, non-sexual, asshole.

After this I avoided relationships altogether for awhile.

But later in life when I became better with women, and was dating more and more women, I found myself falling back into this trap.

I had been dating this girl Kate for like four months, and knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere.  But I was too lazy to end it, as our relationship was very low maintenance.  It was apparent to me that Kate thought things were more serious than they were.  Soon I became the same person I was years earlier with Jillian.  I was deliberately saying things that I knew would make Kate feel insecure.  I would openly stare at other girls.  I wouldn’t call Kate for days at a time.  I avoided sex with her.

I hated the person I was once again becoming.  Luckily for me, Kate figured things out on her own and suddenly stopped calling me.  She was probably waiting for me to make the apology call, but I never did.

The repercussions of the way you treat a woman echoes throughout your life.  The way I felt as a person during those times with Jillian and Kate was less than human.  I felt like a soulless monster.  My integrity was all but drained, and my self esteem was shot.  I no longer viewed myself as the kind of guy who attracts women.  I viewed myself as the kind of guy women should stay away from.

Since Kate I have changed my ways,  I have realized that it is much less cruel to end a relationship than it is to stay involved with a girl you don’t have feelings for.  A few months after Kate I started dating a girl Nancy.  Nancy was a fun girl who I enjoyed fucking.  A couple months into the relationship I sensed Nancy was looking for more.  We sat down and had the talk.  I explained that I didn’t want anything more than what we had.  She was a bit upset, but was appreciative that I was honest with her. Nancy and I are still friends to this day, and have even fucked from time to time.

I felt good about the way things ended with Nancy, and it carried over into the rest of my life.  I didn’t have that dark cloud surrounding me that I had a few months earlier with Kate.   The lesson I learned was that I was much better off being honest with a girl about how I felt, than I was to string a girl along.  You can’t avoid the pain of  a breakup… but by delaying it you can make it much worse.

As for Jillian, I actually ran into her ten years later… the results of that encounter I wrote about in the story “10 Years After I took her Virginity.”