Another Horribly Bad Hookup Story

This next story is wrong on many different levels… and once again, not a story I’m proud of. But if I’m going to brag about my successful scores… I may as well admit that I’ve got a closet full of stories I’d like to forget. This story involves Mike Stoute and the high school girl Tammy, you might remember from this story.

Hotel Room High by Bobby Rio

Somehow me and Mike Stoute were asked to be groomsmen in a college buddy of ours wedding. It was a little surprising because our friend Chris had basically been “born again” after dating a very Christian girl for the last couple years. Since Mike and I didn’t exactly conform to the couple’s moral standards, we didn’t see much of Chris anymore. Nevertheless, we wound up in his wedding party…

The night before the wedding we all got pretty drunk after the rehearsals. Not fall down humiliate yourself drunk.. just drunk enough to make some bad decisions.

The rehearsal after party ended pretty early which left a lot of time to kill at the hotel we were all staying at. Mike and I were sharing a room on the same floor as the groom’s family, as Chris wanted us in close proximity to prevent any debauchery that would have had us oversleep the morning nuptials.

A handful of us met at the hotel lobby bar, where I slowly got drunk enough to realize I was wasting a perfectly good hotel room. Against my better judgment I scanned my phone for some tail to call. I stopped at Tammy. Tammy was an eighteen year old senior in high school…. and were not talking about the sweet innocent type. Tammy was a hostess at a restaurant where I was bar tending at the time. I had fucked her once before, and my performance was less than stellar. I actually came before I got inside her… I caught my load in my hand and then pushed her off me and told her it was “too soon.” Which only made her want me more.

The previous attempt at fucking Tammy’s ridiculously tight pussy left me with no alternative than to secure an insurance policy for the next time. The insurance policy came in the form of a pill of Viagra I scored off a friend for “extra measure.” The restaurant was a close knit group and I had a reputation to uphold… I figured I could get Stoute out of the room for a good hour while I gave Tammy the pounding she craved.

Mike and I were sitting in the lobby when Tammy arrived. She was dressed high school whorish as usual… and got quite a few stares from the families of the bride and groom. Chris gave me a look, but I was too drunk to give a shit at that point. After getting the evil eye from just about everyone in the lobby, the three of us decided to to up to the room, so Mike could roll a “cigar” that he and Tammy could smoke.

If you’ve listened to Mike’s incessant coughing during our podcasts you could probably tell that he is quite fond of the green stuff. Tammy was just as big a fan, so when the two of them got together the entire room was a giant cloud. I just sat there waiting for Mike to leave so that I could get my grubby hands on Tammy.

Just as the two of them were finishing their second “cigar” there was a pounding knock on the door. The three of us just froze. They both looked at me to answer it as I was apparently the most sober. I peeked through the little hole and saw a man in a suit standing next to a bald security guard.

I let them knock another minute, while the three of just stared at each other in disbelief. Finally I slightly opened the door and peaked out. The bald guy pushed the door open, and the two of them entered the room. The room is a cloud of smoke and the hotel manager starts harassing us about the smell. Mike, Tammy, and I just shrug our shoulders, sniff around, and pretend we don’t smell anything. Then as the manager starts looking around the room, Mike spots a dime bag on night table. He casually tries to grab it without them seeing, but the bald security guard catches him.

They demand to see whats in Mike’s hand. Mike puts the bag in his right hand, and shows them his left. Then switches the bag and shows them his other hand. The men are not amused. They demand to see both hands. The next thing I know Mike is barreling past them headed towards the bathroom. The bald guy darts after him. Mike makes a running dive toward the toilet, but the bald guy tackles him just as Mike reaches his hand out to flush the bag. The bald guy takes the bag and demands for all three of to sit on the bed. The hotel manager calls down to the front desk and tells them to secure a police officer.

Mike starts pleading with them to not call the cops. They tell us that if he hadn’t been a wise ass, they would have let us go. But now the bald guy is pissed. He is a corrections officer. He is reprimanding us sternly. Just as he gets finished telling us how big scumbags we are, there is another knock on the door. The hotel manager opens the door. It is our friend Chris. The manager explains the situation and tells him to leave. Chris, seeing visions of two missing groomsmen, and in no mood to explain what jerkoffs his friends are to his fiance, begs the hotel manager to not call the cops.

The manager tells Chris to leave for a minute, shuts the door and comes back inside. He tells us “You’re friend may have just saved your ass.” But he wants our names and some identification. He then tells the bald guy to search the room to make sure we don’t have anything else in the room. Mike and I hand him are licenses. The only identification Tammy has on her is her high school ID. The hotel manager looks at me like I’m the scum of the earth. At that precise moment the bald guy pulls my pill of Viagra out of a pill case in my duffel bag. He hold the little blue pill in the air and want to know who has a prescription for an erectile dysfunction medication. None of us say anything. He asks “Whose duffel bag is this?” I raise my hand.

The bald guy wants to know why a 26 year old guy is carrying around a pill of Viagra.

The hotel manager wants to know why a 26 year old has a high school girl in a hotel room that is filled with booze and other goodies.

I have no answer for either one of them.

The manager tells us he’s not going to ruin our friend’s wedding just because we’ve decided to be fuck ups, he’s going to leave the police out of this. But he then says “I can’t leave this girl in the room with you two in good conscious.” His solution is to call Tammy’s parents and have them come to the hotel to pick her up. “And I want you to be there with me when they arrive” he says to me.

Lucky Mike gets to stay in the room, as Tammy and I get escorted through the halls by the manager and the security guard. We pass various members of Chris’s family on our long walk to the elevator. We finally get down stairs where the the four of us sit in the lobby waiting for Tammy’s parents to arrive.

Twenty five minutes later Tammy’s mom and dad show up. The hotel manager tells them the whole story with all the gory details. The bald guy has to hold Tammy’s dad back from striking me. I apologize and promise that I will never ever see Tammy again. Tammy’s mom is grabbing her ear and calling her a “little tramp.” Even the bald guy is little uncomfortable with the whole situation. Everyone in the room officially agrees that I am the scum of the earth.

I sleep soundly that night.

The wedding goes smoothly the next day. I am having a blast. I am engaged in a great conversation with one of the bridesmaid, a hot cousin from Texas. My cell phone goes off with three texts in a row. 1st text from co-worker Trish “Old man need Viagra?” 2nd text from co-worker Kelly “Tell me she’s lying Bobby?” 3rd text from co-worker Jackie “Your dick only works for me daddy?”

I turn my phone off. It will not be pretty walking into work on Monday.