Matt Savage’s “Most Memorable Pick-up Story”

The fifth in our series of “most memorable pick-ups” comes from blogger Matt Savage. Matt writes about pick-up, dating, and seduction over at Themodernsavage.com.

The Night of Bizarro Luck by Matt Savage

I’m standing in front of the stage, pumping my fist into the air and rocking out to a cover of Shook Me All Night Long. The local band does a pretty damn good impression of an 80s hair band. This stuff fires me up big time. This particular night, I’m just interested in having fun, listening to some great music and leaving the seduction to luck.

About half way through the show, when I have a buzz going and breaking into some fierce displays of air guitar, I notice two cute girls watching me. They are standing at the other end of the stage. They’re dancing with each other and sending all kinds of good vibes in my direction. I shoot them a quick smile, wink, and a solid fist pump while belting out the words to Living on Prayer.

The band announces that they’re taking a fifteen minute break. I look around to see where my friends are and notice that they’re all gone. I decide to check out the second floor of the bar where the DJ is playing hip hop. This is when I notice that there is a line to get upstairs and it’s long…ugghhh. Just then I feel someone tugging at my hand. It’s one of the cute girls from earlier. They’re at the front of the line and about to go up to the second floor. She holds my hand and brings me up with them.

“Hi. Thanks for bringing up with you.” I say

“We were watching you earlier. You look like fun and we want to dance with you.” says the cut red headed girl

“Hehe, well you certainly picked the right guy for that. Shit, we’re gonna dance so hard you won’t know what hit you.” I say with a great big grin.

“Haha, ohhh my god, you’re sooo cute.” says the other brunette girl

“Thank you. Hey, you’re not so bad yourself.” I reply

We briefly exchange names. We’ll call the red headed girl Robin and the brunette Stacey.

We’re on the dance floor now. The hip hop is cranked. As the song Promiscuous Girl begins I grab Robin’s hand and give her a twirl. We commence in an elaborate entanglement of grinding body parts. For some reason the song is the perfect tune to let her feel….uh…well…promiscuous:)

Luckily, one of my wingmen sees us dancing and moves in to occupy Stacey, allowing me to focus on Robin. It gets pretty hot and heavy for the next several songs when finally I pull her back downstairs to a quite little corner where we proceed to make out until closing time.

As the bouncer is herding the crowd out of the bar, we manage to meet up with wingman and Stacey outside.

“Lets all grab a cab together.” I announce

The girls agree, despite not knowing where we are going. Unfortunately I didn’t plan this far ahead either and just assumed we will go to the nearest place possible, wingman’s house, for an “after party.”

We wait outside in the freezing cold for almost a hour trying to get a cab. To no avail we begin walking. The girl’s buying temperatures are dropping rapidly and I’m desperately trying to figure out a way to close this night with bang.

We cross several streets and I notice a row of limousines parked outside a trendy Boston night club. There is a limo driver standing outside smoking a cigarette.

I approach him and ask, “hey buddy, how about a ride home?”

“Sorry man, I’m off duty for the rest of the night.” he says

As we start walking away to continue our cab search, the limo driver yells to us, “So where you headed?”

“City College” Robin replies

“Hey, my sister goes to City College. I’ll tell you what, why don’t you guys hop in and I’ll give you ride back on my way home.” he says

“Oh man, thanks so much!” I say as we file into luxurious stretch limo.

Inside the limo, we decide to get ourselves comfortable. Wingman and Stacey sit together in the back end of the limo while Robin and I sit up near the front end. This seating arrangement is so ridiculous. You could probably fit 25 people in this thing. It seems like I can barely see Wingman at the other end, they are so far away. The driver roles down the inside window and hands me two bottles of beer.

“You want these. I only have two left, so you might as well drink ’em up” the driver says

“Yea, I think we can give them good home” I say, taking the beers and handing one to Robin

So here we are, getting a ride home in a stretch limo, with free beer and two really cute girls. Living life like a rock star. The night couldn’t have turned out any better…or could it?

Just when I thought the deal was sealed, my cute little innocent Robin delivers the ultimate show stopper…

“Hey, do you like dead baby jokes?” she yells out

With my arm still around her, I sit there in a stunned silence thinking, ‘what the fuck did she just say?’ Am I hearing things. And then…

“Oh, I love dead baby jokes, tell me some.” the limo driver responds

At this point, Robin scooches up to the driver’s window and they begin exchanging, none other, than dead baby jokes. Unbelievable.

I sit quietly in the limo, sipping my beer, while I hear some of the most fowl disgusting unfunny jokes I’ve ever heard in my life. Talk about killing the mood.

We finally arrive at City College where the limo driver lets the four of us out. He drives off and I’m left standing there trying to figure out how to hook up with a girl who tells dead baby jokes.

“Alright, why don’t we head up to your place” I say

“I think we’re done partying for tonight. Have a g’night” replies Robin

Ah shit. Denied!

After collecting the phone numbers of the two girls, wingman and I proceed to walk the remaining four miles back to our neighborhood with sick disgusting thoughts of dead baby jokes.

It certainly wasn’t my most successful pickup but it was definitely one of my most memorable. Ahhhh, good times…

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