How to Get the Girl Part 3

Here is another OAP. Just wanted to say that I’ve been hearing great stuff about the Mystery Method’s Magic Bullets ebook.
OAPs introduced "Michael” and his attempts to pursue a relationship with Maria. The last two If you don’t have parts I or II, email us, since part III won’t make that much sense without it.

How to get girls by The Mystery Method

This OAP will be a bit different. Instead of having a "further resources” section at the end, we will integrate it into the text. So, we’ll give a brief overview of a topic and then, where applicable, provide links to other products that go into more detail. Don’t worry – the OAP is still free and the insights here stand on their own whether you purchase anything or not.

Example 5:

Michael said :

I was having drinks after work with a few friends, and I saw someone I was interested in at the bar, with another man. I approached them and used an opener that was suitable for a mixed-gender group, I think it was about movies. I chatted with them both for a few minutes and they told me that they were killing time before going to a concert.More…

I asked her how they knew each other – it turns out that they’ve been friends for a long time. I thought that this was great news – that means he won’t be competing with me for her attention. I pretended not to be interested in her and playfully accused her of hitting on me when she asked me personal questions. Once I was pretty sure she was attracted to me, I invited them both to sit with us before their show.

At our table, things went well. I made sure my energy level stayed high, I talked with Maria for about an hour. All that time I spent reading gossip magazines really paid off, since I was able to keep joking around and keep Maria laughing for almost the whole time. Right as she had to leave, I got her phone number. I called her a couple of days later, but she hasn’t called me back yet. I wonder what happened?

Maria said:

I stopped to have drinks with a friend on the way to a show. Some guy approached me out of nowhere, and he was pretty funny and interesting. We had a good vibe and he wasn’t creepy, so we sat with him and his friends. They were all fun and that guy Michael was really funny. He left me a message today; I don’t know if I’ll call him back but I wouldn’t mind running into him sometime.

What really happened:

Let’s start with what Michael did right. He’s getting closer and closer.

Michael approached. There’s no excuse for not approaching when you see someone you are interested in. Always look your best when you leave the house. And even if you don’t, approach anyway. The worst thing that can happen is you won’t get the girl. If you don’t approach, you are guaranteed not to get the girl. If you have "approach anxiety” then solve it. Magic Bullets has some tips. We often solve cases of strong approach anxiety through one-on-one training or at bootcamps. Contact us to discuss either of these options (we have a lot more OAP to get through today first).

Michael used an opener suitable for mixed groups (men and women together). This is important. The very first CD of the Interview Series (CD#1 with Sinn and Savoy on Opening) covered this. You don’t need to vary your openers much, but you should a little bit depending on the situation.

He asked how the people in a mixed group knew each other. This is important, and should be part of your early "checklist” of things to do in the first couple of minutes of an interaction. There’s no excuse not to get the basics covered early – this is why our latest CD, Volume XIV: The first Five Minutes, by The Don and Tenmagnet, is focused on these exact subjects.

Michael has done a bit of work to prepare himself for neutral conversions about subjects that interest many women, such as celebrity gossip. Despite living in Hollywood, I personally can’t bring myself to care, and episodes of Entertainment Tonight go unwatched on my TiVo, so congratulations to Michael on this.

Michael also avoided traps like cutting the interaction too early, putting his male friend in front of Maria, or antagonizing Maria’s friend. These were seen in the last two OAPs.

So what went wrong here? Four things:

Michael approached. There’s no excuse for not approaching when you see someone you are interested in. Always look your best when you leave the house. And even if you don’t, approach anyway. The worst thing that can happen is you won’t get the girl. If you don’t approach, you are guaranteed not to get the girl. If you have "approach anxiety” then solve it. Magic Bullets has some tips. We often solve cases of strong approach anxiety through one-on-one training or at bootcamps. Contact us to discuss either of these options (we have a lot more OAP to get through today first).

He didn’t create any momentum toward a date or seeing Maria again. He didn’t mention upcoming concerts or events that he could be going to, which would have been an obvious choice for a date since Maria was clearly interested in both. He didn’t suggest anything that they could do together, either as a date or part of a group activity. He should have been dropping ideas into the conversation to see if Maria took the bait. How to get a woman on a date is covered both in CD IV on Dates and Time Bridging as well as in Chapter 22 (Phone Game) of Magic Bullets.

He didn’t build much of a connection. Being able to laugh and joke about celebrity gossip is all well and good, but it doesn’t appear that Michael and Maria really got to know each other as people. A couple of days later, when Michael called Maria, all she could likely think of him as was the guy she had a fun conversation with. She didn’t get to know anything about his identity or get any feeling that it was important that they see each other again. Comfort-building is covered in more detail in Magic Bullets, Chapter 8. It’s also the subject of our in-depth one day seminars on Breakthrough Comfort.

He waited too long to get her phone number. You shouldn’t do this at the last moment when the woman has to leave. Get this handled earlier, so it’s not an issue and doesn’t feel to her like every other pickup attempt that she has experienced. Additional resources are the same as in point 2, above.

He waited too long to call. In a situation like this, he should have called or texted the next day, if not that night. This is also covered in more detail in the same resources as in point 2, above.

Example 6:

Michael said :

I was having drinks after work with a few friends, and I saw someone I was interested in at the bar, with another man. I approached them and used an opener that was suitable for a mixed-gender group, I think it was about movies. I chatted with them both for a few minutes and they told me that they were killing time before going to a concert.

I asked her how they knew each other – it turns out that they’ve been friends for a long time. I thought that this was great news – that means he won’t be competing with me for her attention. I pretended not to be interested in her and playfully accused her of hitting on me when she asked me personal questions. Once I was pretty sure she was attracted to me, I invited them both to sit with us before their show.

At our table, things went well. I talked a lot with Maria’s friend Rob, which was fine, because Maria could hear everything I said and I could tell that she was impressed with some of the things I was saying. I made sure to qualify her – it was only after I found out that we’re both writers and love jazz that I gave her my first compliment. I dropped a couple of references to this jazz bar in my neighborhood with live bands on Friday nights, and she seemed interested, so I invited her and Rob to "come along” and got both of their phone numbers.

My other friends could see what was going on, and because I’ve made a point to tell them about what I do, they knew to also talk to Maria so that my friends also seem interesting and that I have a social circle that she would like to be a part of. I made sure not to let Maria and Rob monopolize my attention; once I had her phone number and the plans were set, I tried to play the role of the social, cool guy that is just living in the moment and having a good time, without giving anyone any special attention.

That being said, Maria and I were in conversation again about 5 minutes before they had to leave, and I found out more about her. It took some work, but I found out that her ultimate dream is to write a book about her family, which has had some crazy experiences. She wants to make her mark in the world by sharing her story. I hinted at some similar things I’ve done, and told her that I had a good intuition about her and believe in her.

I called the next day, and I wasn’t even going to mention our plans, but she brought it up and wanted to make sure we’re still on for Friday. Of course, Rob "can’t make it”.

Maria said:

I stopped to have drinks with a friend on the way to a show. Some guy approached me out of nowhere, and he was pretty funny and interesting. We had a good vibe and he wasn’t creepy, so we sat with him and his friends.

Michael is really amazing. He’s funny, confident, social, and seems to have a great lifestyle. It’s rare that I can meet someone who just "gets” me. I’m looking forward to seeing him on Friday, even though I don’t really know the guy. I might bring a girlfriend just in case.

What really happened:

Michael did pretty well. But he still made a couple of mistakes. See if you think of both the good and the bad before we continue.

OK. Here’s some of the new good things Michael did. Many of these will be obvious, since they corrected mistakes he made in previous examples, so we’ll go through these quickly: :

He defused Maria’s friend Rob as a potential problem

He qualified Maria and made her earn his interest

He structured an opportunity for Maria to see him again (the jazz bar)

He got Maria’s phone number before the end of the conversation

He didn’t pay too much or too little attention to Maria around his friends

He used his friends effectively to make a good impression

He built comfort with Maria

He called Maria the next day, and didn’t rush to confirming plans

He also did another good thing that hadn’t come up in previous examples. He starting applying the techniques of breakthrough comfort (see a woman how she sees herself). This applies to the second-last paragraph of Michael’s section. Two sentences hardly do it justice, but it gives you a taste.

Now, even though Michael got the date, and I’d figure she’s pretty likely to show up, he could have done even better. Two things appeared to be missing:

Identity. Maria mentioned that she doesn’t know much about him. There’s no excuse for that after an hour of conversation. Michael’s good social skills and understanding of dating science got him through anyway, but he never really represented to Maria who he is and where he is going. This is crucial, especially for highly-desirable women. As Brad P says, the skills get you quantity, your identity gets you quality. For a comprehensive treatment of identity and how to project it, there is no better resource than CD VI: Future, Sinn, and Tenmagnet on Identity (I really recommend this one, very few interviews have three masters on it, especially for such an important topic). Did you notice that Maria is thinking about bringing a girlfriend along? This isn’t because she wants to give Michael a threesome on the first date. It’s because she doesn’t know much about him.

Touching. Nowhere do both Maria and Michael talk about physical contact. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that Maria didn’t bring it up, since ideally it should "just happen” from a woman’s perspective and feel natural and comfortable. This also contributes to Maria’s feeling of apprehension – she doesn’t know yet if she feels 100% comfortable with him. Physical contact is discussed in Chapter 15 of Magic Bullets and also in CD#11 from Sinn and The Don on Physical Escalation and Kissing.

The first of these is a bigger problem in this example than the second, but neither are deal-breakers. Maria will still likely come on the date, and she’ll likely come alone. All of this goes to show that you don’t have to be flawless to get the girl. You just need to do enough things right