How to Deal with Approach Anxiety

This was something that I took out of a recent edition of Cliff’s list.

“Approach Anxiety? Here’s The REAL Cure.”
Approach Anxiety, like everything else in life, is a choice.

At least that’s how I like to view it – I like to pretend that

everything in my life, including my emotions, are my sole response-ability.

Now, there are two basic frames, or “lenses” through which you

can choose to perceive this event called “Picking Up Chicks”.

The first frame is fear-based and therefore will NECESSARILY

cause you to feel fear whenever you think about approaching

women. Always.

FRAME #1 (FEAR-BASED FRAME) “PICKUP IS A SKILL”

You believe that pickup is a SKILL, and that with time and practice you’ll eventually become proficient in the pickup department.

Sounds logical, right?

I’m going to attempt to explain why this frame is soooooo unhealthy. It is THE cause of Approach Anxiety.

Bear with me –

You have been socially conditioned to fear rejection, mostly

because men are supposed to pursue, court, and sweep women off

their feet.

It is Yang’s job to approach women, and it is Yin’s job to…

screen us out. Yin, for the most part, CHOOSES.

If you read my newsletters, I suppose it’s because you want

to be chosen more often…

These days, you see THOUSANDS of websites that are dedicated

to this cause.

What these well-intentioned “guru’s” do not realize is that

they are actually reinforcing your Approach Anxieties by framing

“seduction” or “pickup” as a SKILL.

Don’t get me wrong – most of these guys are people I have met

personally, and SEEN with my own eyes that they truly do know

how to consistently pick up women.

Some of these guys are GOOD, and I personally use some of the

techniques that they teach and preach.

The truth is that you CAN learn a bunch of field-tested routines,

plow through your fears, and eventually master the art of pickup.

BUT… no matter how good you get, you’ll always have that nasty

feeling in the pit of your stomach pre-approach as long as you

continue to think about pickup as a skill.

I have even heard very convincing, logical-sounding theories

that Approach Anxiety is hard-wired in and that there is no

way that you could EVER get past this.

Cute theories about how we all used to be nomads who lived in

small tribes, and that in those days, if you approached a woman

and struck out, it would ruin your entire reputation FOR LIFE

and that you would NEVER get that High Quality Pussy that you

crave.

Since this was the “reality” hundreds, even thousands of years

ago, you supposedly still carry a gene that automatically generates

Approach Anxiety.

While that theory is CUTE, the problem I have with it is simple:

I do NOT have any Approach Anxiety.

None. Nada. Zilch.

When I approach women, my heart rate doesn’t increase, and my

breathing rate doesn’t change at all (unless I have to run across

the street to open her).

I make no claims to be special, or “gifted” or anything like

that.

How am I able to do this?!

How did I break free?

Well… For the low price of $99.99,

…Just kidding.

Here’s the cure:

FRAME #2 (LOVE-BASED FRAME) “PICKUP IS A SCREENING PROCESS”

The ONLY difference between you and I is that I no longer think

about pickup as a SKILL.

To me, pickup is nothing more than a screening process.

My thought process?

“She’s cute. I wonder if we’re compatible… I wonder if she

has more going for her than her looks… Man, what a nice ass!

I could do things to her… wonderful things… I wonder how

much training she will need… I wonder what her filters of

insecurity are, and how deep her LSE is… Do I have time to

talk to this girl? Okay then, let’s go find out if she can handle

an honest man.”

…You get the idea.

You see, I have no investment in the outcome. I have no outcome

other than to find out what her energy is like.

I’m not trying to “succeed with women”.

I’m not seeking any particular REACTION from her.

I’m not trying to make her attracted to me, I am simply trying

to find out if *I* am attracted to HER. I know she has a pretty

face, and my mating instincts are definitely enjoying what I

see, but I need more than a piece of ass.

I’ve dated girls who were absolutely psychotic in the past,

and as a result of many, many shitty experiences, I now have

STANDARDS.

Have you noticed that a lot of people are really miserable?

The odd time when I approach a woman and she’s unnecessarily

rude to me, sometimes I say, “Sorry… to interrupt you… while

you’re being miserable.”

I still get to have fun no matter what, you see?

I don’t view pickup as something that you win or lose at. I

do not view it as a game, or a skill, and I certainly don’t

view it as a way to validate my self-worth. Call me crazy!

Listen to me –

The ONLY problem that you’ll EVER have with women is that YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER.

Stop it!

HER REACTIONS mean nothing to me. They don’t mean that my “game sucks” and they don’t mean that I’m good or bad or worthy of love or not.

You see, I would date myself.

I would!

Oh, stop being so HUMBLE… Humble sucks. It’s boring, it’s

meaningless, and it’s annoying. You don’t need it; you can let

humble go now.

Flowers are not “humble”! They stretch up toward the sun and

seem to say, “Look at me, I’m beautiful!”

My CAT is certainly NOT HUMBLE. He struts his stuff and women FLOCK to him. They walk right past me and go straight to him. My cat has no Approach Anxiety whatsoever.

To recap, the moment you feel that icky feeling in your upper

and/or lower belly, it’s because you are choosing to feel inadequate and giving away your power.

You have already decided that a stranger on the street, or in

a bar, has the power to change the way that you feel about yourself.

It’s the wrong lens.

When you see a cute girl, you should enter a state of PURE CURIOSITY.

Get curious about what she is like, and don’t give another thought

to what “she thinks you are like”. Her opinion is none of your

business.

She doesn’t know you, and trust me when I say that the majority

of her responses to you will be socially-conditioned reactions

that truly have nothing to do with Your Worth As A Man.

Now, realistically it’s going to take a while before you completely

let go of the old “pickup is a skill” frame and adopt the more

healthy “pickup is nothing more than a screening process” frame.

The old, outdated frame is set on “automatic” right now and

you’re going to need to remind yourself that pickup is a screening

process over and over for at least a month, probably more.

But if you keep on choosing the healthier frame, and you do

this proactively, before long you will feel as I do – Totally

Free And Comfortable Around Any And All Attractive Women (unless they are energy vampires that you should avoid. In cases like that, you’ll feel that tugging in your solar-plexus or what I call “Bitch Alert”).

Do you know how AWESOME it feels to be free of Approach Anxiety?

I’m so comfortable, and I always seem to say the right things.

I’m NATURALLY funny and cocky and chivalrous and charming and everything else you have been told that you need to do around women to make them want to be with you.

I no longer have to THINK about what I’m going to say next!

I’m totally in the Now Moment when I flirt with girls and it’s

the most awesome gift I’ve ever given myself.

Here’s a little test for you, so that you can all Be Your Own

Gurus and decide for yourselves if I’m right about all of this.

Say the following out loud, and notice which frame makes you

feel MORE PEACEFUL:

“Pickup Is A Skill.”

“Pickup Is Just A Screening Process.”

Well, which one do you want?