Mutual Value Escalation

Here’s a good post from Sebastian Mater the Vibe. I just heard he has an ebook I am really curious to know if anyone’s read it. Feedback?

Mutual Value Escalation by Sebastian Drake

Hey gents –

I was cleaning out my hard drive today, going through old docs.
Here’s a piece that was part of a roughed up introduction to a
piece I was writing on Mutual Value Escalation. For those of you
who haven’t heard, it used to be something I was stressing all the
time: In an interaction, winning more via the people you’re
interacting with winning. To put it this way – If you start at a
value of “6” and she starts at “7”, you’ve got issues, no? Some men
would suggest you knock her down to grab some status. Maybe a +1
you, -1 her. So you go to 7, and she goes to 6, and then you have a
shot. The problem is – she’s now “damaged goods” – you’ve now got a
girl whose not living up to her potential, somewhat insecure, that
might lash back at you. Sure, it’s better than what most guys do –
“Can I buy you a drink?” Which is -1 guy, +1 girl. So the guy goes
down to a 5 and the girl takes a bitchy 8 stance. Now, of course
putting a number to your social status is pretty arbitrary and
ridiculous – but the idea stands.

Here’s the excerpt from the old, uncompleted work:

***

During any social interaction, one of five things is happening:

-You’re winning, they’re losing. (“taking”, being a “taker”)
-You’re losing, they’re winning. (“giving”, being a “giver”)
-You’re both winning. (“escalating”, being a “leader”)
-You’re both losing. (“degrading”, being a “degrader”)
-Nothing is changing. (neutral interaction)

This is what we call “mutual value”. Two people have their value
constantly play on each other. The maximum benefit you can get out
of any interaction will be being a mutual value escalator, also
known as a leader. This will be the methods we teach, though we
will also delve a little bit into how to take from someone’s
expense if they’re being disrespectful or rude. In other words, if
they’re to take from you, we’ll turn the tables on them.

***

To put it into numbers, again, you’re a “male 6”, she’s a “female 7”

Originally:
You: 6
Her: 7

Do nothing:
You: 6
Her: 7

Supplicate/fawn:
You: 5
Her: 8

Supplicate really, really badly:
You: 2
Her: 7

Try to “knock her off her pedestal”:
You: 7
Her: 6

But my favorite is to raise the other person up. The fact is, a
confident leader that makes people always better, always stronger
around him, has his own value perceived to be increased in the
process. If people feel stronger around you, and you carry yourself
well and confidently in the process, then you gain even more.

So mutual value escalation:

Her: 8

She went up… and you’re only a 6, right? Wrong! Improving people
in a confident, genuine way that upholds your standards and doesn’t
supplicate actually increases YOUR value!

So, originally:

You: 6
Her: 7

Raise her value up through high standards, praise, leading, and
showing genuine interest and appreciate for her:

You: 9+
Her: 8+

The numbers are arbitrary and ridiculous, but the point stands –
leading people to be the best people they can be increases your
social value more than anything else you could do. You do have to
have base value to begin with to even start this process, but if
you do, confident leading and raising people up will increase your
value higher than anything else you could do. The only time you
“take” from people – gain social value at their expense – is when
they’re incapable of mutual value escalation. Those people you beat
down as appropriate, or when employing subtlety, use the retarded
look and other forms of minor social pressure and withdrawing your
time. Thankfully, the vast majority of people (including beautiful
women!) are capable of mutual value escalation, and respond well to
confident leaders that guide them gently to being the best person
they could be.

Sebastian
—
A piece from theApproach Alumni Forum.