Engage!

I recently came across Steven Nash’s work and find him extremely knowledgeable.  I would recommend checking out his ebook How to Get a Girlfriend.

Initiating Conversation by Stephen Nash

Have you been standing in a social environment, perhaps a club, or
even a friends party, only to be PERMANENTLY STUCK to the wall with
a drink shielding you the entire night unable to meet new people
and have FUN, ENJOYABLE, and RELAXING time?

Have you ever started talking to a group of women only to walk
away a few FRUSTRATING minutes later asking yourself why they
didn’t respond to your DHV’s and/or Cocky and Funny?

You successfully talk to those around you, but you want a more
NATURAL method, something that FEELS like YOU, and not some
canned routine?

You’re in luck…

This email begins your course to learn the social skills necessary
for true NATURAL SOCIAL MASTERY: “The Master Class Series”.

The first such skill is how to begin a conversation with
someone when you don’t know them – cold, as it were.

I call that skill – “Engage”

Let’s begin…

The most important thing you can know right now about talking
to a person for the first time is:

con-text (n. )

1. The part of a text or statement that surrounds a particular word
or passage and determines its meaning.

2. The circumstances in which an event occurs; a setting.

A number of years ago, I threw out each and every routine that I
used and instead focused on going for the results I wanted based on
my real skill level rather than any script.

I realized quickly that the most frightening scenarios to face
without these training wheels were at beginning a conversation, and
in escalating the interaction. The beginning of a conversation, a
social-point that I call “ENGAGE”, was my very first obstacle.

Remembering that I had done this successfully over 1000 times
helped my confidence, but it still felt like a massive leap of
faith. What would I say? What would we talk about? Would I
fall flat on my face?

Before creating my “How To Get A Girlfriend” ebook, I forced
myself to extract what was positive and healthy from “The Game”
days at Project Hollywood, and convert that into a real method
of socializing and empowerment for men – so that we could have
healthy, lasting relationships with women without being WEIRD
or MANIPULATIVE.

Well, through my trial and error (none of which was dramatic, or
nearly as painful as I anticipated), I realized that there were
two actual ways to begin a natural conversation:

1) Natural
2) Direct

That’s it.

Direct was simple, and yet enormously challenging. My effort
was to notice the woman, and attempt to engage her with a
compliment, or the catch-all: “I noticed you, and I had to risk
total embarrassment and introduce myself, my name is Stephen”.

Presto, she had officially been “engage”d (no pun intended).
However, what to say next? “Nice day”, “What’s your name?”,
“What’s your sign?”…HELL no! Of course not.

In both scenarios – natural and direct – I had to understand the
concept of CONTEXT. This was critical. If I engaged her directly,
as above, I had to follow that up with a REASON that I noticed her
– above and beyond her amazing looks. I had to give it some sort
of context, otherwise she would instantly know that I was not
operating with full integrity – a huge turnoff to women. The idea
then is, if you notice a woman, and want to engage her in
conversation, do it directly and then explain WHY you did so.

From there, using my other skills such as baiting, storytelling and
flirting, a conversation would 100% effortlessly ensue, even with
the most DIFFICULT of women.

But then what about the Natural approach? I knew that there would
be times when I would not be up for a direct approach, and that
there would be times when that might not be the best way to begin.
What would be a method to engage in a natural way?

I realized that at events and parties people are constantly
mingling and beginning conversations. In fact, many might simply
walk up to another and say, “Hi there, my name is Stephen – so what
do you think of the food?” The reason why this worked, and was
totally appropriate, was CONTEXT. These people have this current
event, environment, date, time, etc in COMMON, and that offers the
foundation for a conversation.

What I needed to focus on was what, in any situation, did I
have in common with those around me and find a way then to begin
THERE. I had developed “routine aversion”, which is a common
syndrome amongst pro-PUA’s, where we become so sick of saying the
same thing over and over again, that we literally get sick to our
stomachs when reciting, yet again, the “belch and fart opener” for
example (someone should dig that one up from the archives – it
ALWAYS worked).

Walking through the park, I could say something like “Nice park
eh?” or, “Wow, what an amazing park we have here young lady?” or
the REALLY awesome “Park here often?”…

Of course you would never say anything like this, so it had to take
context to the next level – why did it need to be said NOW and to
HER. That is the real challenge with context – because in order
for it to make sense, and be said NOW and to HER, the context had
to be CLEAR. That is why beginning with a canned routine or two is
very good, because the good ones handle this dilemma well (check
out my NY Times opener for example). So, how to learn this
skill… trial and error, of course.

Here are some examples:

“Can you believe they are going to tear this up? Yep, there is a
referendum now to eliminate the promenade through this park as it
apparently attracts vandals at night. I don’t come at night, as my
bedtime is 10:30pm…you on the other hand…not so sure…”

“The best things about parks in New York is that it is our only
access to the changing seasons – these trees are now fully in
bloom, which tells us biologically that it is summer – I live in
Brooklyn (baiting), and I’m near Prospect Park – this was by
choice, because I’m a country boy (baiting again), and I need
nature somewhere close…”

These are two actual examples from real life – they may seem rather
long (and note that the woman was responding with little “yes’s”
and “uh huh’s” throughout. The idea here is to be interesting, by
embracing the context FULLY. So, if you are in the subway, ask
yourself – what do she and I right now have in common, and how can
I engage her in such a way so that it is relevant for me to talk to
her. Sounds like a mouthful there, but it is, in fact, VERY EASY.

How do you start?

First – drop all canned routines – period. Swear them off like
cigarettes.

Second – force yourself to open three times per day in three
different environments. You may only use environmental or
situational comments (CONTEXT).

Third – fail, and learn… and keep the conversation going for
longer than feels comfortable.

Fourth – email me and tell me your experiences, and stay tuned for
installment number 2 “Flirting”.

I am serious about this – try this process out, and see how it
goes…and if you’re feeling really bold, do a few direct
approaches too…it only hurts for a second or two…

Stay tuned in two days, after I’ve given you two days to PRACTICE
engaging in different circumstances, you’ll receive Day 2 of
The Master Class Series: Flirting.

In it, I teach you the REAL way to flirt with POWER, and how
to EXPLODE the sexual tension within the dynamic. Don’t miss that.

Your friend,
Stephen