Defensiveness

This post was written by Dan over at the Charisma Arts website. I am a big fan of Juggler and his natural game method.

Drop Your Defensiveness with Women by Dan 

Her: So you are just buying girls drinks, trying to get them drunk, and take them home?
You: Absolutely not, I think that is a really sleazy thing about guys these days.

You have already crashed and burned here. Defensiveness is the worst thing you can do when relating to just about anyone. So quit it! Learn to agree with people much more.

Even when I disagree with someone about something I always agree and take their point of view first. Then I present my viewpoint in a way that is not in opposition to their point of view. This is a very important tactic when dealing with people. Most of the time people just want to be heard. As long as you can make them understand you see their point of view then they are much more willing to accept yours.

In our case being defensive creates a sense of opposition, and that creates a sense of power imbalance. It is like the predator response: as soon as someone runs, you chase almost instinctively. When you are defensive it evokes a sense of her wanting to prove you are exactly what you are so defensive about.

Her: You are a jerk!
AFC: I really am not! You will see that if you get to know me.

Do you believe it? Of course not, disqualification is a great way to deal with this and actually agreeing with it is a form of disqualification.

Her: You are a jerk!
You: You are absolutely right, [teasingly] damn you are a good judge of character.

Her: You are just trying to get me to sleep with you.
You: Oh boy, you found me out. I was planning on taking you home and giving you an amazing night of incredible pleasure; I guess now that will have to wait till you get to know me better.

When you agree it is almost always funny, and rarely do they believe a word you say. In fact if you are defensive, people will think you are what you are being defensive about. However, if you agree with whatever they are saying about you, then they don not actually believe you are that.

Defensiveness shows pure insecurity. Being able to admit you are something bad, and be proud of it, that shows incredible confidence. The funny thing is no one actually believes you when you admit it.