11 Important Questions About Attraction

This is a good email from Sebastian of Master the Vibe. Anyway into
the whole natural game method should read this.

 On Creating Attraction by Sebastian Drake

11 Damn Good Questions from a Great Student

I had a really fantastic student in London, great guy, and really
enthusiastic about success. I admire his ability to put things down
eloquently and ask great questions, and I wanted to share my
answers to a few questions of his with you. Enjoy!

Important Questions

1) As VAC = Attraction, how come every woman will not be attracted
to you if you gain it?

Sebastian says:

The short answer is… they will!

That said, value is something that fills a conscious or
subconscious need in another person’s life. For the vast majority
of women (over 95%), they have needs that aren’t being fulfilled.
However, there are a select few women who are really getting
everything they need from the men they currently have in their life
– these women usually can’t be bedded, seduced, and sometimes not
even attracted!

Crazy? Here’s the question to ask a man who says you can sleep with
ANY woman: “Does that mean that no matter how skilled you are, how
great of a man you are, and how great your relationship is, a woman
will cheat on you?” That seems to stop cats dead in their tracks.

That said, over 95% of women AREN’T getting what they need. So rest
assured, there’s plenty of girls to go around. 😉

2) As VAC = attraction, how come some guys end up in the “just
friends” zone? After all, by sheer virtue of friendship they have
high value, demonstrated respect as a friend & that they are real
and will have experienced compliance.

Sebastian says:

The most common cause of “just friends” is lack of compliance. If
you don’t make a girl work to earn you, she’ll think you’re “a nice
guy” and that will be that.

The second most common cause is missing a window of opportunity –
if a woman gives you an opportunity to escalate – and you don’t –
they’ll often auto-reject, think you don’t like them, and clamp
down and write you off as a friend. This second kind of “just
friends” is easier to conquer than the first – no compliance is
really bad. Better to overwork girls than underwork them 😉

3) How do you avoid LJBF? How do you be “cool and sexy” as opposed
to just “cool and nice”?

Sebastian says:

Blah! Sexy! Trying to be sexy is like trying to be cool. If you’re
seen as trying to be cool, you’re not cool. What is cool? Cool is
having your life together, like who you are, presenting yourself
well socially, etc. Same with sexy. Sexy is confidence, charisma,
and all the manifestations of that – Good Nonverbal Image, good
Focus, etc.

As for avoiding LJBF, literally verbalizing she’s a good friend
works wonders. If you say to a girl, “You’re such a good friend,
I’m so glad I met you” it’s near IMPOSSIBLE for her to say, “Let’s
just be friends to you.”

Would this dialouge happen?

Guy, smiling as he says it: “You’re really great Kate, you’re such
a good friend.”

Girl: “Wait a second there, Jake! We’re just friends!”

Telling a girl you think of her as a great friend actually STOPS
“let’s just be friends” – and gets you closer to the bedroom.
Counterintuitive as it may seem.

4) Is it possible (and if so, how?) to gain VAC with people you
previously didn’t? I am thinking primarily of those who have
already formed an opinion: work colleagues, exes etc.

Sebastian says:

Yes… and no. With people you already know, you have something
called “precedence” going in one direction or another. Bad
precedence can be broken, but it can be a very time-consuming
thing. The truth is, especially with exes, you’ve already got a lot
of things handled, but you’ve already got massive problems. These
situations can be fixed, but they’re very case-sensitive, and
frankly, objectively, usually not worth the time they take.

There’s something like 3-4 BILLION women in the world. At least 500
million of those women are cute. Do the math… one ex… half a
billion other women… hmm…

5) Universal value (confidence, humor, etc.) is one thing but how
do you demonstrate specific value for her? She may not screen you
with questions and even if she did, how do you know what the
correct response is?

Sebastian says:

This is a great question!

First, if you lack specific value for a woman, what do you need?

Answer: More universal value. So if she likes
black/white/Asian/latino/Arabic men, and you’re not the one she
specifically likes, what do you need? To be even more confident,
charismatic, humorous, decisive, empathetic, and all that, than the
other guys around you. This is how barriers get broken down – a
girl may only date a guy of one race her entire life, but then she
comes across a guy so great that she can’t help but get interested
in like him. Frequently after that happens, her perceptions will
change and she’ll be open to that type of guy in the future.

It’s an attainability thing.

That said, there is a system for screening out her specifically
valuable traits. One of the largest specific value dichotomies is
“social accountability vs. social anonymity” – this is something
relatively new that Vincent and I have been working on the last six
months. The idea is that there are two powerful, polar opposite
forces you can employ on your side: The first is social
accountability, which is getting connected in with her and her
social circle. This minimizes flaking and gets her to respect you
well. The second is social anonymity, which keeps you out of her
social circle and makes you a shadow upon the wall. Flaking will be
higher, but you’ll be able to get very casual, non-mainstream
relationships easily, be her “guy on the side”, lay her very
quickly, etc.

Basically, you want to be either invisible in her affairs, or right
in the mix of them. When you’re just starting, I’d recommend using
more social accountability-based stuff, because then you can choose
whether you want it to be casual or you want to flip it to a
girlfriend, and you’ll get less potential flak and disrespect. Once
your knowledge and ability to influence VAC improves, you can flip
it around and use social anonymity to your advantage. One of the
biggest factors deciding which to use is age – Social
accountability works better on younger girls (18-25), social
anonymity works very well on older women (28-38).

I’ll ask Vinny to write some on this – it’s fascinating stuff,
really.

6) More to the point, do you “become” what they want – like a
chameleon – or do you just be yourself and let them buy into the
majesty of Sebastian, Cool Dude Extraordinaire?

Sebastian, Cool Dude Extraordinaire says:

Up to you. I don’t find any reason to sell out who I am to try to
bed a woman – completely unnecessary, and I don’t like how it makes
me feel. But you can showcase different elements of your
personality. I write poetry, love nature, and enjoy nightclubs.
Which of those do I bring up FIRST to a girl about my personality?
Whatever’s Situationally Relevant, and then… yeah, social
chameleon and all that. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not,
but you can showcase different elements of yourself to different
people. We’ve all got a lot of varied interests.

7) As for “is this for real”, don’t genuine interest openers about
her being gorgeous scream player?

Sebastian says:

They most certainly can. I like the pacing one because it always
comes across spontaneous:

“I saw you (what you’re doing) and I have to say you (what I
noticed about you).”

Very powerful opener, because it’s always true, genuine, and
legitimate.

“I saw you standing here, and I have to say you’ve got the best
hair color I’ve ever seen.”
“I saw you sitting here, and I’ve got to say you look absolutely
fantastic.”

Gotta be genuine though. As for the word “gorgeous”, that’s just my
word amigo. It jives with me and who I am. It’s not necessarily a
great word – Remember “Coloring Your Language In and Up” on day 3?
A non-cliche synonym for cute/beautiful/pretty is one of the first
things you should find.

8) Do you keep running V, A and C – like spinning plates – or can
you stop once you think you’ve instilled enough of each?

Sebastian says:

You don’t need immense amounts of VAC to simply have some sex.
Women like and enjoy sex, and especially like and enjoy sex with
guys that are cool, friendly, confident, and don’t make them feel
bad.

VAC is really more like climbing a mountain than spinning plates.
You’re not trying to stay where you’re at, you’re getting greater
rewards as you get up. Of course, if you fall off the top of Mount
Everest, it’s going to hurt a lot more than falling out of a tree –
so do be aware that the more attracted a girl is to you, the worse
she’ll feel if you break her heart. (so don’t do it)

The rewards keep getting greater as you increase VAC – you can do
literally anything you’ve dreamed of. Vincent is having threesomes
with his Milan-runway model girlfriend. I haven’t asked him
explicitly, but I’m also reasonably confident she pays for
everything in their relationship.

At some point, you can stop, relax, and enjoy the view from the
mountain. But you could always climb higher. It has a lot to do
with when you’re satisfied, and happy.

9) How do you know when you have raised your V, A, C to the
required levels?

Sebastian says:

Depends on what you want. Some guys are just happy to be able to
have nice conversations. If so, you only need a little bit of VAC.
After a while, the same guy might want a date. So he needs a bit
more. And then sex takes a bit more, and then a relationship a bit
more, and sex while she’s bending over your fourth floor balcony
takes a bit more, and then getting her to buy your whole wardrobe
takes a bit more, and then bringing her friends for you to sleep
with takes a bit more, and… well, like they said in “G.I. Joe”,
“Knowing is half the battle.” So know anything is possible, and go
crazy man. When you’re happy, feel free to relax. 🙂

10) And how do you know which are lacking?

Sebastian says:

For value: Value is something you handle before you get to a venue.
With a mix of Nonverbals, Situational Relevance, and good
Conversational management skills, you will have value for almost
any woman you meet.

Then you get her to work (compliance), reward that work
(attainability), and reward it with a bit less than you got
(compliance -> value). This article was recently sent out to our
list, you might enjoy it if you missed it:

http://www.the-approach.net/compliance_value.php

To troubleshoot, if she’s being very nice and you’re spinning your
wheels, you have a value problem. If she’s being mean, it’s usually
an attainability problem (or she’s one of the rare 5% of the
population that are nasty horrible people to be avoided at all
costs – thankfully the prettiest girls rarely fall into this
category). If she’s refusing simple requests, you have a compliance
problem.

Compliance problems are very hard to fix – you need compliance to
fix them, but you don’t have compliance. The answer on how to do it
is “baby steps” but it can be frustrating. The answer is to get a
lot of compliance up front, and deal with the potential
attainability problem – attainability can be fixed easily,
sometimes by just calming down and making a simple statement like,
“I’m joking around and teasing you a lot… but I really dig you.
I’m glad we’re friends.” Sometimes a simple statement like that can
fix attainability straightaway. So go overboard on the compliance,
and respond to rudeness (Auto-Rejection) something like the way I
written just above.

11) I understand that you don’t need to kiss on a first meeting.
Both girls I had in isolation, were not ready for it. How do you
get such fast closes: same night, within half an hour etc? I had
that American girl give me cheek kisses but I wasn’t getting her in
bed within 30 minutes. I came across as a player, with no respect
for her, yet you were smooching on night one and you fucked a
Korean model within an hour of meeting. Don’t say it’s ’cause
you’re good, I know that!

Sebastian:

Okay, she was Japanese, and she wasn’t a model – she was just 6’0
and had a nice figure. I did mention a Korean model, but that’s
another, wholly unrelated story. She took like six hours to get in
bed, but that’s partially because we were both really busy at that
point in our lives.

So how do you get fast closes? Part of it is being bold. Here’s a
bad belief that I, personally, just got rid of – and that’s that
you needed good logistics to get laid. For sure, I’ve made it
despite bad logistics, but I was always looking for beds. I owe to
my friend Snow, another trainer who trains locally in Toronto
(snow@torontosocial.net – look him up if you’re in Toronto, he’s an
amazing teacher) who, after I brought a girl to his place, told me
to go “bend her over the sink” – sage advice, really helped my game.

Anyway, I bedded our little taller-than-me friend on the hardwood
floor of the guys I was staying with. I bruised my damn knees!
Pretty badly, actually, I was kind of limping around on the third
day of the program, but you guys apparently weren’t fazed by it.

That said, how did I do it?

Sexual power reversal – I flipped the script on her, using
compliance/value techniques, so that I had sexual power over her.
When you can do that, both time you’ve spent with her and logistics
become irrelevant.

Social anonymity – I didn’t know her friends, and she had nothing
to fear from being labelled a slut or having her reputation damaged
by being with me.

Compliance – Lots of it.

Precedence – I started escalating (a little) within ten minutes of
meeting her. She accepted that, and reciprocated, so we built up to
sex by doing small, pleasurable things to each other.

Escalation – Ever seen Cruel Intentions? His name is Sebastian too!
And he’s got game too! Goes with the territory eh? Watch the scene
where he says “one kiss”. “No, not there”… I did something like
that. It’s not necessary per se, but the irony value definitely
makes me smile.

All that said, this is one of the last things that I was able to do
consistently. With good game, spending enough time with a girl
resuls in sex near automatically. At least, you’ll get windows of
opportunity, and if you take them, you’re golden. So don’t rush
things for the sake of ego – quick lays are nice, but solid
attraction and turning quality girls into girlfriends and open
relationships is much better.

Oh, yeah, and it actually took a whole hour to lay her. So don’t
get discouraged if you’re not doing it in 30 minutes 😉

Love ya man,
Sebastian

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