Juggler’s How To Escalate

I have just begun reading some of Juggler’s stuff. I have heard a lot of
good things about him. Here is the latest email I recieved from him
about escalation.

How to Escalate by Juggler

Imagine if I walked up to you and gave you a gift, football
tickets, a nice leather wallet, or whatever you value. What
would you think? Would you take it? Yes probably, but chances
are you would be suspicious, ‘Why is Wayne, who I have never met,
giving me a gift?’

But now imagine that everyone you came across gave you a gift.
Besides becoming much more outgoing, you would probably become
blasé about the whole transaction. “Hi, nice to meet you. Blah,
blah, blah. Where’s my gift? What no ribbon? Go back and wrap
it properly.” You might just begin to take people who gave you
things for granted. Being rewarded for no effort on your part
would spoil you.

That is the reality for many attractive women. Men reward them
just because they look good. No effort required. As a technique
for getting women, this rarely pays off. Women get over the
delight of being fawned over by the boys for their looks by the
time they are thirteen. That type attention from men is no
longer a delight or even a novelty. A woman only feels a
momentary boost to her ego followed by a quick return to the
search for something more valuable.

Some men have discovered a ‘solution’ to this problem. Their
game is simple. They refuse to show any attraction towards a
woman. Countless ‘revolutionary’ be successful with women
techniques are variations on this theme: Play hard to get, act
cocky, be distant and a woman will come begging for you. For a
man who has been giving his interest away too easily this can
feel empowering. No longer is he a suck-up!

But not all simple solutions are effective solutions.

You cannot escalate an interaction towards a sexual or romantic
conclusion without showing interest in a woman.

I will explain.

Attractive women will not throw themselves at a man. To do so
implies desperation and desperate women are the scorn of women
everywhere. Take the term ‘slut’. When a woman calls another
woman a ‘slut’ this does not imply she has many sexual partners.
‘The term ‘slut’ is understood among women to imply a woman who
must throw herself at men for attention. She is acting
desperate. No woman wants to be thought as desperate.

Women will rarely take the lead and show interest in you first.
They don’t want to look like a desperate ‘slut’. Therefore if
you refuse to show interest in women you will repeatedly find
yourself in situations that can be nice, can be fun, can even
lead to dates like the one I describe in my ebook where I used to
end up alone next to her in the dark but embarrasingly unable to
make anything happen. Neither of you are willing to take the
lead and push the interaction towards sexual flirting. (For more
on anti-desperatation see my blog here:
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Juggler/29 )

On the face of it, it seems you are doomed. Show interest and
lose value, don’t show interest and have nothing happen. But
wait, there is another concept that makes escalation possible.

*** Effort and reward ***

Imagine that you washed and polished my Vespa. And then I gave
you a gift. How would you feel? You would probably feel as if
you earned that gift. You would value the reward I paid you.
That is how we want our interactions with women to be. Effort
matched with appropriate reward is the basis of effective
escalation.

You want to show growing interest in a woman based on the effort
she makes in putting herself into the interaction. That is how
you escalate.

So what constitutes her effort? I define effort as her putting
her unique, individual self into the conversation. If you show
interest based on her individuality, that she has made an effort
to reveal, then she will value your interest. You can escalate
an interaction towards a sexual or romantic outcome.
Here are some examples both good and bad.

Her: “I teach second grade.”

You: “Wow, that is amazing. You are such a great person for
teaching kids. Can I take you home to meet my mother?”

Her: “Ack!” (As she is running away.)

That was TOO MUCH reward for the amount of individuality that she
revealed. There is a disconnect. She will feel that you could
not really possibly be appreciating her. She will feel that she
has not said anything to deserve your adulation. This makes her
uncomfortable and suspicious of your interest. Let’s try that
again.

Her: “I’m a school teacher. My favorite student is Kyle who has
six toes on each foot. I swear this is true. He has a sense of
humor. I don’t like the cry babies. I like the fun kids.”

You: “Cool. So what town do you live in?”

Her: “What does it matter? Hey I see some friends I need to talk
with, bye.”

Here we have the opposite problem. There was no reward for her
after she chose to reveal something interesting and specific to
herself. We blew by this and went for something unrelated.
Women have an instinct for the rules of escalation. She senses
that you will be unable to take the interaction anywhere
interesting. She gets bored and leaves.

Her: “I’m a school teacher.”

You: “Hey I thought about becoming a teacher before.”

Her: “Really?”

You: “Yeah. So tell me, how do you keep your kids in line?”

Her: “I just put a tone in my voice that I mean business.”

You: “Yeah, I am too easy going to be tough on the rug rats. Let
me see your serious, better-sit-down and shut-up face.”

She furrows her brow and tightens her lips.

You: “That is scary. Any woman who can be that scary is the
woman for me. I have got to get to know you better.”

Her: (laughing) “Sounds good.”

He: “Let’s go sit over at the couches so that we can be more
comfortable.”

This works much better. It is just the right amount of interest
based on the individuality that she revealed to you. Notice that
you are able to advance the interaction (In this case by moving
to a more intimate environment.) That is how you escalate.

Escalation has two components:

1. A reason you are choosing to escalate. This comes from
something that she has done or said to you. She must feel as if
she has done something to deserve your increased interest.

2. A clear statement of how you want to raise the stakes of the
interaction. “I want to get to know you better,” or “Let’s go
for coffee,” or “I find you sexy.”

Women believe any guy worth having takes work getting. On a
larger scale this is true for all people. Rarely do humans place
the correct intrinsic value on things. They value things
relative to how much they have to work to get them.

Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2014/12/12/the-best-conversation-topics-to-quickly-escalate-sexual-tension/