Isolating Target for Secure Seduction

Here is a post by one of my favorite teachers of seduction, Derek Vitalio.  It is all about the important concept of isolating your target.

Isolating your Target 

So many guys fail to realize – if you don’t get the girl alone, you’re probably not getting anywhere with her. If you can separate her from her friends in a natural and non-threatening way, you’ll have much greater success translating attraction into action.

A Very Important Concept

Ok, tell me, what’s the most important word to remember early on with a woman? Once you’ve got a good connection with her, and you want to go further?

Separation.

We’ve talked about it a bit before, but this concept is SO important that we’re going to talk about it more in depth now.

Separation. You need to get the girl alone. Why?

The Slut Factor

Listen, ladies don’t like to look easy. You’ve probably heard all sorts of things about how they don’t want to give it up quick because they want to build worth and power over the guy that’s courting them.

And that’s often true, to one degree or another.

But what if I told you it isn’t NEARLY as big a deal what you think of her, as what her FRIENDS think of her?

Now this makes perfect sense. Almost every romantic or physical relationship ends sooner or later, and you probably aren’t going to see each other much after that.

So if you’ve attracted her and she expects to know you as a romantic partner, then she isn’t going to worry very much if the steps towards sex go at a fast pace. It’s her aim, too – once you’ve got her attracted.

Her FRIENDS, however, are almost certainly going to be there once you’re gone. And after the next guy too, and the next and the next. How she comes off in front of her FRIENDS is a MUCH bigger deal.

With you, she can just say "I don’t normally do this!” about 300 times and she’ll feel alright. With her friends, that won’t work. (You want a comparison to your life? How badly would YOUR friends rip on YOU if you got together with the most heinous woman of all time, saying "I don’t normally do that?”)

But why does a woman care about how fast progress makes her look to her peers? That’s a complex question, but a couple simple answers:

• She might be seen as using her body as a weapon or tool. That either looks manipulative or shallow.

• Her friends might think she’s doing this for affirmation, as a way to pick up her own low self-esteem. She thinks worse of herself, it’s likely to bring the general opinion of her down.

• Jealousy. Especially if you’re as damn sexy as I’m making you.

And tons of others. We could go over a dizzying number of reasons she doesn’t want to look like a slut in front of her friends, but that’s not the point. The point is SHE DOESN’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A SLUT IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS.

And that’s where separation comes into play.

My Explanatory Experiences

Let me tell you two stories. One where I learned the lesson, and the next where I applied it.

I had a date with this hot hot babe. I was picking her up, but at the last second she asked if I could give her friend a ride too.

I should have said no. I should have offered to get together another night. I thought it wouldn’t be that big a deal, even though my gut was arguing with me.

I picked her and her friend up.

45 minutes later we’ve arrived at her friend’s house, but they’ve been gabbing away while I play chauffer and’ve invited some other girls along for the night.

I suppose I could be happy to be out with four hot ladies at once. Sometimes, I am. Not this time though.

They were all friends, and not those kinds of friends. I got stuck in a coffee klatch all night with NO chance to make any moves with my lady.

Or, let me rephrase that. No chances that I SAW. Now, I have a different opinion. But the crucial point remains, I not only didn’t separate my girl, I watched as she ADDED more friends to our ‘date.’ Nothing really ever went right after that with her.

Now, let’s go forward a few months. Another hot lady, another night, but this time I’m wiser. I show up at her place, with the plan to spend the night wet n’ wild. Things start out great – soon we’re making out in the kitchen.

Then, her housemate comes in. Our lovelock immediately breaks and they get into a conversation. Housemate shows no signs of going anywhere.

So, wisely, I take control of the situation. "Hey, we really should get going.” I say.

Now understand, the lady wants to do something AS MUCH as you. So if you give them anything, they’ll take it. She quickly agreed and we were out the door.

It was her neighborhood, so I let her pick a hip spot nearby, and then it was back to my pad for the rest of the night and all the next morning too.

See, what happened with those two situations was actually quite similar, but I was different. I caved in to the peer pressure of her friends in the first (she’ll probably be hesitant to buck that – even THAT much initiative might appear slutty if she’s doing it to get you alone). I took control and isolated her in the second.

And that’s really just about all you need to know.

Plus Understanding These Things

Now, some things you need to know:

Separation is all about timing. Do it too soon, and it’s creepy – she doesn’t know you, and doesn’t want to end up on the evening news. Wait too long, and you can pass into the wuss zone – it’s almost as bad as missing the timing of the first kiss.

Signals and Reading Them

So, when is right? I pretty safe way to play it – when you first meet a girl – is after you get three signals of interest.

That can be something as blatant as her squeezing your hand when you take hers, or as subtle as her asking follow-up questions to keep your conversation alive. Some guys have lists and they just check them off – she wrapped her hand ‘round her finger, she was watching me when someone else was talking, she "accidentally” bumped into me when I was having a conversation with someone else, I’m going in.

That can work, but I recommend against it. Of course you should know what the signals are – the ones above of most of the standard ones – but better yet is to understand the FEELING and EMOTION behind it.

Why? Because most signals aren’t as blatant as what I’ve listed so far. And if you get the FEELING behind it, you’ll start to be able to read her body language better. You’ll see signals other guys miss – and that allows you to achieve separation at a much earlier time. Or wait a little bit.

Control the Situation

If you’re ahead of the game, YOU can control the pacing. You switch from having a couple moments to make you move, to having a window in which to play with her a little – staying relaxed of course – before you separate her.

In other words, if you know early on that she would follow you but you DON’T take her immediately, it gives you a chance to dial up the sexual tension. You can start letting her KNOW that you KNOW she wants you – but you haven’t made up your mind about her yet.

Not only will she be impressed by your perception, but she’ll have a little doubt over whether she’s up to your standards. And that little doubt can be a very powerful thing – if you don’t overplay it or get cruel. Remember, playful.

The Easy Part – Doing It

And the separation itself is simple – just say "Come here, I want to show you something.” Or if you’ve specifically met up with her – you know her from earlier – you just need to say "We should get going.”

That’s it.

Of course, you need to LEAD when you take her away, and you need to have a reason set up. Lots of successful guys keep interesting props around for just this purpose.

If you don’t have one, you can say "I want to ask you something.” and let that lead to a simple question, like our earlier "Do you want to kiss me?” If you’ve established enough physical contact and trust already, that’s all you need.

If you’re unsure, you can lead with a slightly tamer but still charged question/remark, like "I’m enjoying this, but it’s hard to talk in here. Let’s go around the corner to this quiet bar where my friend works.”

If you’re having trouble imagining yourself being this bold, then do the "Where am I?” exercise again. If not, go out there and practice your signal reading, and your separation skills.

Experiment. Try it early, try it late, see what happens. Try it after three hard signals, try it after three soft (subtle) ones, see the difference.

Keep playing around with it. However, DO play around with it. So many guys get stuck on how to turn attraction into action.

Well, 9 times out of 10 the problem is proper separation. Get this, and you’ll be pretty damn close to solving that once and for all.

Regards,

Derek Vitalio

For more of my seduction info click here.