Topical Cream, 4.16.10

America the Beautiful: America Olivo has had an interesting rise to semi-stardom. She got a degree in Opera at Juilliard, which led to a stint touring China with Ricky Martin (does? not? compute). Then she formed a latin music supergroup called Soluna. Now she?s appearing in slasher flicks and episodes of House, M.D. It may have been a long and winding road, but we?re so, so happy she?s finally here. (Read our interview of America here.)

Kick-Ass: That?s not just a random expression in this context. It?s literally the name of a movie that?s opening today around the country. In it, a teen comic-book-lover decides he can monkey-see/monkey-do what he?s been reading about. He gets a suit, a mask and an alter-ego named? Kick-Ass, naturally. The fact that he has no superpowers to speak of would seem to be a minor inconvenience.

MONEY BRINGS PUSSY: This phrase is trending big-time on twitter. The sentiment would seem to be in the ?obvious? category, but I bring it to your attention for one reason. The trend-tracking service whatthetrend.com interpreted the tweet bonanza a little differently, stating ?Cats are expensive, you need money to take adequate care of them?.? Nice.

Heart Tattoo: You know how your grampa always sits around the house, grumbling about ?those kids and their damn neck tattoos?? Well, he may want to re-think his anti-ink bias. The most recent tech innovation to protect wireless pacemakers from being hacked is a password tattoo. The good news for paw-paw is that the tats are only visible under UV light, so he can still project that unmarked ruddy glow he?s been sporting all these years.

Nautical NASCAR?: Hot Rod designer Rick Dobbertin will now allow us to redden our necks while floating in inner tubes. He?s designed a wet/dry racecar that would look completely at home in the next X-Men movie. He calls it HydroCar. The 8,000-lb. vehicle automatically runs out pontoons for water driving, which can be really handy if you live in, say, Hawaii.

Danger is Sexy: Arianny Celeste is an uber-hot Octagon Girl for the UCF. Not content to rest upon her consiberable laurels as a hottie, Celeste took up the challenge and began training in mixed martial arts herself. She says she likes to date computer nerds, and that she?s double-jointed. **Sigh** The world can be such a wonderful place sometimes.