Day #15: Creating “Connection” Through Conversation
Long lesson today. Don’t let that intimidate you.
We’re gonna be talking about conversation.
Which is basically EVERYTHING.
(And also happens to be my specialty. The thing I’m known most for.)
It’s important you listened to the MP3 I sent you two days ago.
No excuses. It’s only an hour.
Here’s the link case you missed it: (grab the MP3)
So on Day 10 I told you “value” in the eyes of women is based on three things. (Which I appropriately named the Triangle of Temptation (TAT).
1. How much fun she has with you.
2. How much connection she has with you.
3. How much sexual excitement she feels around you.
Today let’s talk about “connection.”
Because the goal of a conversation is to connect with her.
After using the “Fast Forward” opener you learned a couple days you need to “hook” the conversation.
You need to get her to invest some interest into talking to you.
This way she doesn’t flake after giving you her number. This way she’s waiting for you to call.
How do you do this. Get a girl to invest?
First things first.
Easiest way to elicit a response is to make assumptions about her.
For instance: The other night was talking to a girl in a bar in NY city. She told me she just moved here from Iowa.
Most guys would ask a basic question to follow that up.
They’d probably ask “How do you like the city?”
You gave her control of the conversation.
Instead I said, “So you’re here because you had bright lights big city dreams… imagined yourself strolling down Fifth Ave, swinging your brief case, on your way to a job in… let me guess… hmmm. You totally strike me as a… zoo keeper. You work at Central park Zoo. Am I right or am I right.”
HER: A zoo keeper? haha No. Why would you think that? I’m actually in finance.
ME: Don’t know just had a momentary vision of you in a cute zoo keeper outfit. One of those park ranger hats. Holding a baby monkey.
The zoo keeper guess kept things light and playful. Made it a little FUN.
Flirted for a bit more. (using techniques from Day 11)
But now it was time to connect on an emotional level.
“So tell me what your first week in the city was like” I asked her.
Here she brought up the emotions she felt.
[+] Fear mixed with excitement.
Using the emotions she presented me “fear and excitement” I moved to another thread.
ME: Well aren’t the most satisfying times in life the times you feel that adrenaline? Think about your most memorable vacation. I bet it wasn’t one where you sipped a Pina Colada on the beach. Probably one where you challenged yourself a bit.
HER: Haha yes… Being stuck in France. Not speaking a word of the language. Out of money
ME: Sounds like a good story. Do tell.
See how the convo is naturally flowing?
After she told me about her time in France I told her about my first time in Brazil. Even told her a crazy story about a wild Brazilian I met named Jaqui. Told her that story to get a little ‘sexual’- get her juices flowing a bit.
It worked. Alway does 🙂
(I’ll share that story with you in a few weeks when I know you better. It’s a good one 🙂
We talked about the feeling of being “lost on this entirely different continent. How it almost brings you back to your childhood. When things were still new. You still had that desire to explore.”
We took the conversation from “Do you live in the city?” to the both of us sharing details about our most adventurous vacations.”
The trick to being a good talker is to keep your ears open for “hooks”.
A hook is something she says that you can use to extend the conversation.
Pay attention to her. You’ll start noticing dozens of these “Hooks.”
In the example earlier, she told me she just moved from Iowa she gave me three hooks.
(1. Leaving Iowa, 2. arriving in NY, 3. her first month here)
Each hook she gives you can use to relate and connect.
The best way to handle a “hook” and use it to “connect” with her is to relate it back to her.
Here’s an example from the earlier conversation:
ME: What was your most adventurous vacation?
HER: It was this time in France when I was dead broke, didn’t speak the language and was wondering around Paris for two days alone.
ME: SO you must have felt both the thrill and fear of complete anonymity. So what does one do when they know no one will find out?
See what I did?
I acknowledged the “emotion” she must have been feeling.
This simple acknowledgment lets her know that:
1. I was listening to her.
2. That I was able to empathize and understand her.
3. That I was generally curious to know what she did.
Once you’ve acknowledged what she has given you it’s alright to relate a story back yourself.
Because now you’re on the same playing field. She knows you’re not “superficially” trying to relate.
Women know these things. Trust me.
Use this conversational strategy on all women.
She’ll quickly feel a real intense connection.
In the meantime, if you are like I was you might need more in-depth training on this.
I put out a program last year. Meant entirely for guys who don’t know how to keep a convo going. Run out of shit to stay. Look stupid in front of the girl.
Here is it is:
Trust me, conversation skills is NOT something you want to skimp out on.
There’s no faking a lack of it.
Make it happen!
P.S. Now you know 2 parts of the TRIANGLE. Fun and connection.
That’s right “Sexuality”. If you can’t inject sexual feelings into a conversation you’ll never be more than a “friend.”
In two days we get there. But tomorrow you are going to learn how to tell if a girl is into you.
P.P.S There is an even more VALUABLE SKILL to learn when it comes to “hooks”
…and that is adding your OWN HOOKS into a conversation.
Make her NEED to keep talking to you. The same way girls get wrapped up in a soap opera. And need to tune in.
This works just like that.
I’ve got 3 entire videos on it. And I’m giving them away FREE right now.
Its’ called Conversation Steroids.
And its free when you grab a copy of Conversation Escalation.
So what are you waiting for?
Previous Lesson: Day 14