Top Five Movies of Jessica Biel

After weeks and weeks of the cute pixie girls and the willowy model types, with only Salma Hayek serving as a kind of break, I?m glad to come across the beauty of Jessica Biel. If I were still 14-year-old me I?d talk of her huge tracts of land, but let?s grow up and just say she has great boobies. Maybe they just seem big in comparison to Charlize Theron or Keira Knightley, but I do think that Jessica has some very nice curves.

Biel!

I never got into ?7th Heaven? so I don?t have a connection to her as she grew up on TV, and I kind of think that is a good thing. Then again, if you look at my top movie, you?ll see a very young teenage Jessica. At the time, I didn?t know her from Eve, so I can just list the movie as great and think of the adult her in her other movies. (I think the nose ring helps.) On the other hand, I will not try to think about the current movie ?New Year?s Day? which bested it?s predecessor by achieving a ?22? on Metacritic compared to the ?34? of ?Valentine?s Day.? (The besting is completely sarcastic as movie grades are not like golf where lower is better.) Fortunately we have these other movies to enjoy while gazing upon Jessica.

5. Next

Did I say enjoy? Well, in this case, I mean it in the full guilty pleasure sense. This may be the worst performance you?ll see out of Julianne Moore ever, and that is worth viewing just to be able to say you?ve seen that. The movie is just Nicholas Cage doing his cool thing he does in the midst of a good science fiction idea. Some of the effects are amazing. Just don?t go in looking for a great work. Be prepared to laugh at the lunacy and enjoy the ride.

4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Yes, the original with all its low-fi scares is much better, but come on. Who doesn?t like to watch a guy wearing a face of human skin chase around barely clad youngsters with a chainsaw? It?s a chainsaw people.

3. Elizabethtown

Ok, Kirsten Dunst, Judy Greer and now Jessica. Have I mentioned that I am really, really looking forward to ?We Bought a Zoo?? What can I say, I like Cameron Crowe.

2. The Illusionist

It?s not Christopher Nolan?s ?The Prestige? which came out the same year. Instead of Christian Bale, you have Edward Norton. Instead of Hugh Jackman, you have Paul Giamatti. Instead of Scarlett Johansson, you have Jessica. Still, it?s a pretty darn good movie and if there had been space between them, we wouldn?t have to make an either/or choice. We could just say that we really liked both, because do you really want to choose between Scarlett and Jessica?

1. Ulee?s Gold

There are so many good movies that I remember exactly where I saw them. (Unfortunately, the same goes with the really bad ones.) I saw this at a little two-plex in Delaware. I didn?t know what to expect (which is how I like to go see movies) and ended up with this charming movie on of all things bee-keeping. Just like I am reminiscing about it now, I exited the movie theater with a smile on my face for having seen something really cool.

Agree? Disagree? Which movies would make your Jessica Biel top five?